


Music And Liqour

by neversaygoodbye



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Bottom Louis Tomlinson, Boys In Love, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gay, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Top Harry Styles, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 25,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaygoodbye/pseuds/neversaygoodbye
Summary: What happens when Lord Harry Styles meets pianist Louis Tomlinson? One can only wonder. The unlikely pair must explore their feelings which feel foreign but so real at the same time while being the center of the 1800's England elite gossip.'Does the little one with the cheekbones know that the prince is in love with him?'Fluff, a tiny bit of smut, envy, forbidden love. This story has it all.I will chase you if you steal my ideas. Don't do it
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. When Green Met Blue

HARRY'S POV  
'I am not wearing this nightmare out. It is boiling hot outside Anna,' I huffed with no prevail. Anna glared daggers at me. 'If I can wear this dress, you can wear the robe one of your doting suitors gifted you,' she scolded. Truth be told, I didn't find any of my suitors mildly attractive. My cat, Dusty agreed, Anna secretly did and my father wouldn't even hear the end of it. He wanted me to get married and give him an heir. My sister had a daughter . Wasn't that good enough? 'Well I shall put it on if we can meet the new pianist before going to Katerina's manor,' I tried to reason. I heard him playing and he's absolutely fantastic. Maybe he could play one of my compositions. 'Alright then. Whatever gets you to wear this monstrosity,' Anna sighed. I just chuckled. She despised Katerina as much as I did.

As I fleeted down the stairs, the soft piano music became clearer. It was simply brilliant how one could play such wonderful music. Then I caught sight of the musician. He was simply breathtaking. Ocean blue eyes deeper than the deepest seas. I found my self drowning in them before Anna whispered 'You forgot to put your shoes on you fool,' I looked down at my feet. Indeed I had forgotten to put shoes on. Brilliant! Soon after noticing my mistake, the piece ended. The gentleman walked up to me and bowed in respect. 'Pleasure to meet you Mr Styles,' he said meekly. 'The pleasure is all mine Mr-,' I paused while shaking hands. 'Tomlinson. Louis Tomlinson,' he replied quickly. 'Very well then Mr. Tomlinson. Can I hope to hear you play tomorrow then?' I questioned. 'Tomorrow is Monday Sir, however I play all day at work,' he replied. Fantastic. I came off as a fool to him. 'You're an instructor at the nearby music school Mr Tomlinson?' I asked. 'Indeed Sir,' he replied. We stared into each other's eyes for a minute longer than what would be considered comfortable. He was the one to break the silence. It was comfortable silence. 'I shall take my leave now Mr. Styles,' he said. His cheeks turned pink. I could tell that he was from Southern Yorkshire. I stared as he walked away with his hands in his pockets. 'Let us put you in the robe now Harry,' Anna said, breaking my trance. 'Let's go,' I replied as she shooed me into the dressing room.

My only inquiry was if Louis Tomlinson would be playing in tonight's ball or not. It was just plain curiosity or so he thought. Over time he would notice the little bit of green in his and a little bit of blue in his own.

And suddenly all the love songs were about him.


	2. Infatuation I What It Is

If looks could kill then I would have been a dead man by now. Mr Styles' friend was it? Yes, his friend was shooting daggers at me. I would have stayed longer but I preferred being alive and well. Mr Styles however was interesting. He was different. He actually showed appreciation for my music instead of just asking when a charming young man like me would get hitched. He didn't even make a gesture for me to bow. He had beautiful green eyes and his feet. Christ his feet were the prettiest thing I had laid my eyes on. I had heard his deep laughter rumbling through the halls about and constant squeals about 'stupid robes' and 'stupid girls who don't give up.' I giggled to myself in surprise. Why was I thinking about a man like that? Amelia would tease me till my last breath if she saw me like this.

Life before Amelia was something I wasn't accustomed to. She and I were joined at the hip. Our mothers had known each other from birth and so did we. I was a few months older than her but she was the firm, mature one. My mother had trusted her with a job she proved to be brilliant at, keeping me in line. 

My mind slowly shifted to Mr Styles again. His forest green eyes changed colour all the time. They looked like a lake on a warm summer afternoon. His curly locks that lay perfectly below his shoulders were a sight to behold. I walked into the music room and was met with a furious Amelia who started laughing upon seeing me, breaking me away from my train of thoughts that had accompanied me to the few steps from the doorstep.   
Little did the pianist know that there would come a time when Mr Styles would occupy more than just his thoughts.

The best thing you can do for someone is hold on to them and let them know that you're not slipping away  
-Audrey Hepburn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it


	3. Curls and Blues

AMELIA'S POV

I was furious at Louis for being an hour late. Students were waiting and I had to take over his class as instructed by Daphne, our headmistress' daughter. Someone teach the fool to look at the time. The female students loved him and always gave him the dreamiest looks when he was explaining something. I was met with confused looks.

I was huffing to myself in his room, waiting to give him a piece of my mind when he came in, giggling to himself. He looked so carefree and in love. I had to know who his new charmer was. "So who is stealing tonight's sleep from Mr. Tomlinson," I chuckled. "Come here, I'll whisper it to you," he said with a monotone expression. I followed accordingly. "She is-" he whispered, "LEMON DROP!" he screamed into my ear before running off in the hallway. Lemon Drop was the headmistress' cow. "You bastard," I screamed before picking up my skirts and running after him. He wouldn't get in trouble for running in the hallways, I would. Daphne loved him. She always gave him an extra scoop of desert after dinner. "I have a class to take for Christ's sake Amelia," he screamed, at least 2 feet away from me. "I already took your class you lovesick fool, you're an hour late," I huffed. "I am so sorry Amy. I got caught up at Aibsyn Manor," he sincerely apologized. The first one who came to mind was Lady Anna of Water's Edge. She was beautiful but rumors were that she was engaged to Mr Styles as they spent so much time together. Apparently they had grown up together. In fact Louis was the one who gave me all the gossip as he played outside of the school and I didn't but they were rumors were only. He was out to get his heart broken even if Lady Anna was not engaged. Her father would never allow his only daughter to marry a frivolous pianist.

I couldn't bear the sight of a broken Louis. The only pain he deserved was his cheeks hurting from smiling too much. He was an angel, no wonder he was born on Christmas Eve. "You there Amy?" he asked while poking me in the ribs, breaking me from my trance. "Hmm," I mumbled. "I have to leave now, I am playing at the ball tonight," he said simply. "Where is it being held?" I asked. "At Aibsyn Manor," he said while closing his door. He emerged from his cave, dressed in his formal wear. Any girl would fall for him but he seldom showed any interest. It was almost as if he wasn't interested in the ladies at all. "Byeeeeeee," he screamed while running down the dirt down. I waved back.

HARRY'S POV

I had only one plan tonight. Dance with Katerina and Elspheth, escape to the hidden balcony and read a book. I would not have Anna's company though. She would be by the musicians' area, eyeing the violinist, Victor. They were madly in love but her father could never know. As Anna emerged from the dressing from, I could tell why almost any man from our county would die for her hand in marriage. As I walked to the ballroom, thoughts clouded my reality. How I wished I could tell father that I did not want to marry and that lonliness is perfectly curable with more cats. Anna nudged me, bringing me back on earth. Katerina had already offered her hand to be pecked for quite a while and I was staring into the abyss. This woman knows no boundaries. Anyhow I pecked her hand and led her to the dance floor. While dancing with her, my eyes scanned the musician's corner for the one I was hoping to see. He was sitting at the grand piano, his fingers dancing on the keys. He looked as charming as ever in his formal attire. Soon the dance was finished and I thanked her for her time. How I wished she would drown in a lake like Ophelia. In reality, I took my leave and made my way to the balcony. The stars were in my favor and Elspheth hadn't come.

As soon I had left, the woman was dancing with another man. Even our stable boy hadn't seen this much horseshit. I slipped into the balcony behind the curtains and pulled out my book. 'Rebecca.' I stared to read but my mind wouldn't dwell in it. All I could think about was Mr. Tomlinson. Of course I made my way to the piano, about to make a utter fool of myself. Surely I could steal him for a moment for two. There were many pianists sitting idly by him. 

If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: "Because it was he; Because it was me.'

\- Montaigne


	4. Ballrooms Are Unpredictable

LOUIS' POV

Playing at balls wasn't on my list of favorite things to do but the pay was high so I did it anyway. When I did, I usually lost myself in the music and not notice the shallow minded things that occurred around me. Tonight, however, I couldn't help but notice how wonderful Mr. Styles looked in his lapel jacket. Why was I thinking about a man like that? It seemed wrong but so right at the same time. Soon he was dancing with another lady that was not Lady Anna. That meant they were not betrothed and they just happened to like each other's company. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousness when he twirled her and held her close to him.

Physically I was an insignificant pianist at the ball but in my mind I was dancing with Mr. Styles. Just as I was about to twirl him, a gentle nudge brought me back to reality. It was the man occupying my thoughts himself. "Do you mind if I steal you for a moment Mr. Tomlinson," he asked. "You have been stealing my thoughts anyway so go ahead," I wanted to reply with a smirk. Of course I didn't say that. "Sure, no problem," I said as I motioned for one of my students to play. I could feel my cheeks heating up. Why did this man have an effect on me that no one ever had? He held my hand, I repeat, he held my hand and pulled me into a balcony. I would have never known it was there. "So how are you doing Mr. Tomlinson? Has Aibsyn Manor treated you well?" he asked, breaking the awkward silence. "Very well Sir. It has been my greatest pleasure to play your family's ancestral piano," I replied. "What do you like most here?" he asked, leaning forward. The only thing that came to my mind was how obnoxious it would be if I were to be the one twirling him while dancing. "Your cat Dusty, Sir," I replied. It was a big lie. My favorite thing at Aibsyn Manor was Mr. Harry Edward Styles himself, along with his charm of course. "I reckon she likes you too Mr. Tomlinson," he chuckled. He had the most perfect dimples. This made me wonder if this man even had one flaw.

ANNA'S POV

My time spent gawking at Victor was cut short by my father calling me to introduce his daughter to yet another old fool. We exchanged pleasantaries and I politely excused myself. I stood at a corner when I saw that Harry had taken Mr. Tomlinson to his favorite place. If you saw the two talk, you might have thought they were long lost lovers. A contagious laughter was something they both had. They talked about anything and everything that came to their minds. They giggled like there was no tomorrow. All was well until the church bells tolled for 2am and they realized that time was as fast as lightning when they were with each other. "I must take my leave now, Sir," Mr. Tomlinson mumbled while getting up. "If you must Mr. Tomlinson but promise me that you will be here next Saturday," Harry sighed. The poor boy looked like his world was falling apart. "You have my word, Sir," Mr. Tomlinson said before bowing and turning on his heels. He walked away while Harry pouted. I wondered if the little one knew that the prince was in love with him.

Harry emerged from the balcony only to have Katerina snake up to him again. Something clicked in him. While dancing with her, he mumbled things which caused Katerina's eyes to pop out of their sockets. She quickly finished the dance, curtsied and waltzed away. He then walked up to me with two glasses of wine and handed me one. "To new beginings, Anna," he said. I could tell he was already tipsy. Drunk Harry was another person altogether. "To new beginings, Harry," I said as we clinked our glasses. I already knew which new beginings he was talking about. It was Louis Tomlinson who had Harry around his musical fingers and I knew Harry wouldn't have it any other way.

"He wanted to say he loved him but kept it to goodnight because he knew loving meant falling and he was scared of heights."


	5. Roses are Blue

AMELIA'S POV

I was up waiting for Louis with dinner until half past one before my sleep got the best of me. I don't remember how long I was asleep in the dining hall before Louis nudged me awake and asked me what I was doing in the hall. "So that you don't skip dinner Lou," I replied while rubbing my eyes. He always skipped meals and it wasn't good for him. "Oh, I already ate dinner hours ago," he replied simply. "Wait a minute, they are providing dinner for the musicians as well?" I asked, almost jumping out of my chair. This wasn't the custom as we musicians were supposed to stay outside of people's sight. "No of course not, Mr. Styles insisted that I had dinner with him," he replied, his face reddening at the mention of Mr. Styles' name.

This fool was in love with Lord Harry Styles. Not only was he a thousand miles out of his league, he was a man. This was when I knew I had to steer him clear of his charmer. When Louis loved, he did so truly, madly, deeply and completely. "Alright I will go to bed now," he said after watching me intently for a while. "Fine, go on," sighed, picking up a glass of water. I loved him more than anything and I would hate to see his heart broken. Why couldn't he be with someone who would actually be with him for the rest of his life and someone who's father wouldn't threaten to slit his throat?

HARRY'S POV

The next morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. I chuckled as the face that Katerina made last night came into view. I had simply told her that a rat had made its nest in the ballroom while she was dancing with me. Oh dear Katerina had made a grave mistake indeed by telling me about her fear of rats. My smile grew to an extent I had never thought possible when I remembered that Anna had wanted to visit the music school today to drop off some of our compositions and had insisted I come along. I always tried to refuse but this time I was more than happy to comply. Mr. Tomlinson would be there and I was willing to accept any plausible excuse to meet him. The smile didn't budge from my face even during breakfast while father was chanting about my tasks for the day. Visit the new sanctuary to oversee construction, see to the foals that our mare had given birth to last night, accompany Anna to wherever she might be going this morning. "Yes father," I said, picking at my eggs. To be honest, I liked silence as most silence was comfortable but the silence at breakfast was extremely uncomfortable. "Excuse me," I said, finally breaking the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. 

Waiting for Anna was extremely tiring but she finally arrived. Huffing to herself? "Harry promise me you will never talk about rats with Katerina ever again," she said sternly. I burst out laughing as i entered the carriage. She smacked my hand. "I am serious Harry. The poor girl is frightened out of her wit's end," she scolded. "And how on earth did you think that wasn't my point?" I chuckled. She just glared daggers at me. "Oh did she have her maids check every layer of the hideous gown she was wearing, looking for baby rats?" I roared with laughter. Anna finally gave in and laughed with me. "She wouldn't hear the end of it when her maids said that they didn't find any rats," she chuckled. "I bet her maids are still searching for rats to this hour. She looked like she saw a ghost last night," I said, holding my stomach as it hurt from all the laughing. "You're an evil little munchkin," she said as she flattened out her skirt. The rest of the carriage ride was passed with me cracking jokes and Anna trying to not to laugh as she had heard them a thousand times before. 

As the carriage came to a halt, I produced a bunch of blue roses. They were from my own garden which I tended to myself. "For whom did you bring these?" Anna asked, brows furrowing. "For Mr. Tomlinson," I replied simply. 

In Victorian floriography, blue roses symbolized unattainable or unrequited love but Harry didn't know any better. He just happened to like oddly coloured flowers.

In case you ever foolishly forget, I am never not thinking about you.

\- Virginia Woolf


	6. Music To My Ears

AMELIA'S POV

I could see why Louis had fallen for Mr. Styles. He was devilishly handsome. No wonder he had women throwing themselves at his feet. He talked like you had known him for ages. Suddenly he went quiet when he saw my eyes had averted to the bunch of blue roses in his hand. I wasn't that much into floriography but Mrs Tomlinson had taught me quite a few meanings. Blue roses symbolized unattainable or unrequited love. Louis on the other hand could spend forever studying flowers. "I reckon you're here to meet Lo- er Mr. Tomlinson," I spoke, breaking the deafening silence. "Yes and we have more compositions for you to play," Lady Anna finally spoke. She had been strangely quiet today. Usually she would spend every spare second talking. Maybe she had also noticed how infatuated her companion was with the pianist. She handed me a brown envelope, still staring at Mr. Styles in disbelief. "Thank you milady," I said as I retreated into my room to put the papers away for a while. 

I came back only to see Mr. Styles peeking at the hallway. Poor lad was pretty desperate. "Would you like to see him play Mr. Styles?" I asked, my voice filled with sincerity. "Indeed. I would like that very much Miss-" he paused for a moment. "Thompson. Amelia Thompson," I replied. "Alright then Miss Thompson, lead the way," he spoke, excitement laced in his voice. I walked to the end of the hallway and stopped at the second last room. "Oh Miss Thompson, could you give these to Mr. Tomlinson?" he said as he handed me the blue roses. "Yes of course sir," I said as I took the bouquet. The students were studying him eagerly as he played one of Mr. Styles' compositions. They had become a favorite if his recently. Mr. Styles looked like he had entered another realm, where no one was around. Just him and his charmer. The way he stared at Louis was unbelievable. Goodness gracious Louis William Tomlinson your sleep robber is here and he is pining to meet you. Time went by in a flash and soon, the students were pouring out of the room with Louis following after them.

LOUIS' POV

I walked out of the room, only to find Mr. Styles being greeted by the students. He looked......... I was simply lost for words. If he were mine, I would never stop caressing those perfect curls. After a while it was just Mr. Styles, Amy and I as Lady Anna had gone to inspect the gardens. "Would you like to take a seat, Sir?" I inquired. "No, I am alright. Thank you for asking Mr. Tomlinson," he replied politely. My name rolled off his tongue as smoothly as ever. Amy poked me in the ribs. "You forgot to greet either of them you lovesick fool," she hissed into my ear. "Fook," I whispered back. She discreetly poked me again. "Now you're cursing in front of him," she hissed back. "Is something wrong?" he asked politely. Either his voice was like smooth honey or my imagination had reached its peak. "We were wondering if would join us for tea tomorrow afternoon, Sir," Amy filled in for me. "I would love to Miss Thompson. Are you alright with the arrangement Mr. Tomlinson?" he asked me. "Yes um, of course I am alright with it. The students love you and they would love to get another glimpse of you," I stuttered as I spoke. "Alright then Mr. Tomlinson, I have to take my leave now or else I shall be late for the midday meal," he spoke. I started to bow but he beat me to it. "You don't need to do that. We are friends right?" he asked as his forest green eyes turned doll-like. "Yes sir, we are friends," I replied. I noticed his cheeks were also red. Soon he turned on his heels and walked to the carriage where Lady Anna was waiting for him. 

His eyes looked like the magical part of the forest where no man has ever tread and where fairies rested their wings. Where touch me nots grew because nobody ever went there. A place which everyone was searching for was searching for was right there in his eyes. The way the blue swirled in his eyes, they almost looked like fairies' wings. "Where are you Mr. Tomlinson?"' Amy chuckled as she nudged my shoulder., bringing me back on earth. "About to go feed Lemon Drop dandelions because I love her so," I grinned as I walked towards the cow shed. "You fancy Mr. Styles. Anyone with eyes can tell," she said as she picked up speed to catch up with me. "Of course I don't fancy him Amy. Did you eat something funny this morning?" I asked while filling the cow's feed bowl with more hay and fed her a few dandelions from my hand. "Of course I didn't Louis," she replied and with that the bell for lunch tolled. She handed me a bunch of blue roses. . "Mr. Styles left them for you," she explained after seeing the confused look on my face. "Oh alright. I have to thank him for them," I said, my cheeks heating up. "Alright I am hungry, lets eat," I said as I walked in the direction of the dining hall. 

It is said that other men have seen angels but I have seen thee and thou art enough

\- George Edward Moore


	7. You're My Inspiration

HARRY'S POV

They say you feel butterflies when you see someone you're infatuated with but when I saw Mr. Tomlinson, it felt more than butterflies. He looked positively smitten too. I did think the feeling was mutual. After dropping Anna off at her manor, I was off to the sanctuary. The construction was the last thing on my mind. All I could think about was how bloody brilliant Mr. Tomlinson looked when he played the piano. The way he seemed to lose himself in the music was pretty incredible to see. His eyes were probably my favorite thing about him. They were ocean blue with swirls of green in them. They looked like a vast deep ocean with islands doting the area. An ocean I would happily drown myself into. He had brilliant cheekbones which really did compliment his feathery brown hair and faded dimples. "Umm Sir? Is everything alright with our work?" said the manager. "Of course um yes everything is alright," I said as heat rose to my cheeks. "I'll be leaving now but I will be back next week. I expect there will be no funny business while I am away," I said with more composure than before. That man certainly had an effect on me that no one ever had. "Of course sir. I'll walk you to your carriage if you allow," he said meekly. I had scared the poor man. "I'll allow it. Now shall we?" I reassured him. After an hour of journey on a bumpy road, we were finally at the stables. James, our trusted stable boy rushed out to greet me. He had worked with his father at our stables since he was a boy and we had grown up together. "Good afternoon, Sir," he spoke. "James my friend, the next time you call me sir, I will personally see to it that santa fills your stockings with coal," I glared at him. "I am sorry Harry, its a force of habit. I call everyone sir, I am sure you understand," he replied. "Of course I do. I heard our old Black Jay gave birth last night. Is it healthy?" I asked. Black Jay was my favorite of all the horses we have. I learned how to ride using her. She used to be a race horse before she came to us and you could certainly see it with how well she took commands on the harness. Never did anyone have to use even the slightest flick of the whip on her. "She's perfectly healthy and so is the foal," he said. "Would you like to see them?" he asked. "Yes I would like that very much," I replied. We walked into the pristine stable which always stayed like that thanks to James. Poor Black Jay was sleeping while her foal was bouncing off the walls. Upon closer inspection, I could tell it was a very beautiful filly. She had a jet black coat like her mum but had a white spot over her nose. Almost like a beauty spot. "Its a filly," I said simply. "What shall we name her then Harry?" he asked. "Louisa," I said. Louisa, derived from Louis. Her beauty reminded me of Louis. Actually these days anything that was even mildly pleasing to the eye, reminded me of him. Could you really blame me? The man was the most beautiful person I had laid my eyes on. 

ANNA'S POV

Embroidering with the ladies is the most tiresome activity yet to be embroidered. Although the piece I had chosen made it a little better. A violin surrounded by floral patterns. Victor always inspired my works whether it be embroidery or compositions or artwork. The gossip always surrounded dresses and men. Especially Harry. The ladies couldn't stop gushing if his name came up. The man wasn't even interested in the ladies. He was interested in Louis Tomlinson. My mind shifted to Victor again. His grey eyes were the drug I couldn't get enough of. "Lady Anna, you spend an awful amount of time with Mr. Styles. Pray tell, how does he prefer to spend his time?" someone asked. "Hmm?" I asked as this very important question broke my trance. Katerina repeated her question. She never backs down does she? "Oh, he likes to keep pet mice and teach them tricks. Quite nifty little animals mice are," I said with a monotone expression. Her smile dropped. "Oh but he would stop keeping mice if his wife asked him to. Correct?" the poor girl asked. "I am afraid he likes his 4 mice too much to give them up. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Mo are quite his favorite bunch. They are particularly the reason he doesn't like to travel that much," I said as I resumed to my embroidery. Her face looked like she had indeed eaten a rat. Oh Jesus Christ! Harry would enjoy this interaction. I must tell him this evening when he comes for dinner. To be completely honest I didn't do all that for a good laugh, I did that so Katerina steers clear of Harry before he did something. Having known him from birth taught me one thing. He didn't get angry easily and was a sweetheart of a person most of the time but when he did get angry, it wasn't a sight to see. I wanted to prevent that. 

'If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.'

\- Alfred Lord Tennyson


	8. I Would, Just Ask Me To

HARRY'S POV 

One more thing on my schedule that day was to go to Anna's place for dinner. It was almost routine for us to have dinner at each other's houses at least twice a week, not to mention the walks around the garden. She was definitely the only female I had come across who wouldn't fall at my feet. Part of the reason was that she actually knew I was not the romantic kind. I would never be able to give the hearts, flowers and evenings of music that most women wanted. I liked fooling around and being cheeky. Not every woman likes that. Mr. Tomlinson liked it. At least that's what I liked to think. Why else would he invite me to tea? I shook my thoughts about Mr. Tomlinson off once the carriage halted at Water's Edge. It looked especially lovely in the evenings due to the lanterns placed at different heights. Anna did them of course. That girl surely knew how to make things look beautiful. 

The first thing I hear after walking in was Anna running through the halls, screaming about uncomfortable shoes with her maid chasing after her. "Don't worry about it Cordelia, I'll catch her for you," I chuckled as I chased after her. "Thank you so much Sir. She has been making me run after her all evening," Cordelia sighed. It took me a mere five minutes to catch Anna. My long legs gave me an advantage. "Let me go you bastard! This isn't fair. It was both of you against one," she huffed and shuffled under my grip. "Sorry Anna but you made me wear a stupid robe the other day. Consider this a little payback," I grinned. I held her tight until I handed her to Cordelia. "You will want to apologise to me after hearing what I did this afternoon," she screamed as Cordelia pulled her into the dressing room. After fifteen minutes, Anna emerged from the room, looking as gorgeous as ever. "Now what did you do this afternoon that was so brilliant that you would draw an apology out of me?" I asked as I walked after her. "Oh to hell with your cockiness. Earn it out of me Styles," she smirked as she picked up her pace and got to the dining hall before me. By the time I entered, I saw that she had reserved a seat beside me for her. I scanned the room as I sat down. Mr. Richards was here. The old fool had his eyes set on Anna for quite some time. Anna hated him. The way he looked at my childhood companion made me want to punch him square in the face. Jesus Christ. I placed my hand on Anna's thigh. It was usually seen as a sign that a couple is betrothed. Mr. Richards averted his eyes towards my hand and then towards the window. There you go Annie. He would never bother you again. Anna would usually swat my hand away but this time she put hers on top of mine as assurance that I did the right thing. I always knew he made her uncomfortable.

LOUIS' POV

I hummed the tune of Mr. Styles' newest composition as I walked to the dining hall. I never had to wait in line as Daphne snuck me a plate as I passed the main table. I knew what those gestures meant. Never getting me in trouble, giving me an extra slice of cake after dinner, never making me wait on anything. It's the most common way to show me that you're romantically interested me. Hell I even had milk maids bring me free cheese as a token of love. I just gave Daphne a small smile as she handed me my plate. How was I to tell her that I saw her as nothing more than an elder sister when she was positively smitten with me? I sat down beside Amy and picked at my plate. I wanted to be with Mr. Styles. He was the first person who made me feel more than their infatuation besides Amy. Little did the innocent pianist know that Lord Styles was head over heels in love with him. 

Amy pinched my arm, shaking me out of my thoughts. "Eat something. You skipped lunch today," she said, concern laced her voice. It was true. I didn't eat lunch because I was busy perfecting Mr. Styles' piece. "Yes of course," I said as I put a piece of the green bean in my mouth before gagging. "Oh Louis. Are you alright?" Daphne asked as he handed me a handkerchief. "I am peachy. Don't worry," I mumbled as I gave her a smile. I ended up only eating the mashed potatoes before excusing myself from the table. I didn't like eating anyway. Amy apologised for my 'strange behaviour' before excusing herself and following me out into the gardens. "Louis what happened? I know you don't like the beans but you could have at least finished the chicken and peas," she asked as she walked beside me. "I just don't feel well. I just want to go to sleep if that's alright," he said. "Go to bed. I'll ask your mum to send your favorite bread and thyme butter. You would like that right?" she asked. I loved my mum's cooking and bread was her speciality. Of course that would be. She has a bakery. "Mmmhhmm. I would like that very much Amy. Good night Amy," I said as I turned on my heel and started to pace towards my room, humming Harold's song. I had even added words to the music. Harold was my little nickname for him. 

'Love: the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.'

\- Mark Twain


	9. Cakes and Flowers

AMELIA'S POV

I woke up the next morning with mixed feelings. Had I done the right thing by inviting Mr. Styles to our school for tea? I had done the opposite of my original plan. I was supposed to steer Lou clear of him and all I did was give them an opportunity to get to know each other more. I had done it because of the sheer happiness I saw in Lou's face as he spoke with Mr. Styles. I had seen how his ocean blue eyes lit up when he saw him right after exiting the classroom. I did not want to be the indirect reason which caused the shimmer in his eyes to fade away. He had already lost too much. First their father left them when the poor boy was just five. He had to be the man of the house from such an early age being the eldest brother to four sisters. Then his sister, Felicite passed away last year. I saw him break in ways I had never seen in the twenty four years I had known him. He had forgotten to love after the incident. He was indifferent to all feelings except sadness and anger. Mr. Styles brought about a change him. He made Lou smile, laugh even. He had gotten Louis to eat a full meal. Something I could never get him to do in almost seven months. I suddenly noticed a tear in my skirt as I was flattening it. The head mistress's cat was a sweetheart but tore holes in your clothing when he sat on your lap. Something he loved to do. I shook my head and smiled while taking my sewing kit out of my drawer. Louis' shirt was also there. I had forgotten to attach the buttons to his shirt. I could do it later. I had to get the baked goods for today's tea with Mr. Styles. What better place to go than Mrs Tomlinson's bakery itself? I could also get the bread I promised her son.

I picked up my basket and waltzed out of my room. Sun rays hit my face as I stepped out onto the dirt road. It would be a pleasant day. I would cut Mr. Styles if he hurt Louis. I would not care what punishment lay ahead of me if I did that. Suddenly I was stomping to Mrs Tomlinson's doorstep. I shook the bell a couple of times and put on my brightest smile. "What brings you here honey?" she asked in her sweet voice as she opened the door. "Oh nothing. Just your lovesick son's shenanigans," I wanted to reply with a smirk but of course I didn't do that. I loved her. "I just needed to pick some biscuits and little pastries for this afternoon's tea. Oh and could you pack Louis' favorite bread with some thyme butter for him mama?" I spoke rather quickly. "Of course sweetheart. Why don't you come inside while I pack the pastries?" she said as she opened the door wider. I stepped in and sat myself in one of the chairs as she took out the packets. "Amy who is visiting for tea this afternoon?" she inquired. "Hmm?" I asked with a confused face. I was thinking about what her son was about to get himself into. She repeated her question. "Oh Lord Styles and Lady Anna," I replied with flushed cheeks. "Lord Styles of Aibsyn Estates?" she furrowed her brows, "he really is not known for visiting places for the entertainment of it," she spoke while carefully placing butter in a little tin. "He likes how Louis plays. He recently started playing at Aibsyn Manor," I said while picking at my dress. "Oh alright. Speaking of Lou, how is he? Is he giving you too much trouble?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes. Lou never visited her more than twice a month ad rarely wrote letters after the incident. He distanced himself from everyone. "He is fine. He has been very well behaved, never gets into trouble with the headmistress's daughter," I replied rather quickly. "We all know why he never gets into trouble with Daphne," she chuckled. I giggled in response. "She is positively smitten with Lou," I smirked. "We all know how he is, he will never give his attention to anyone but his music," mama shook her head and sighed. I nodded. After a while she put all the packets in my basket and handed it to me. "I packed plain biscuits, almond crackers, victoria cakes and Lou's bread and butter. Will that be alright hun?" she asked sincerely. "Mama you outdid yourself. This is more that alright. Thank you so much," I said as I stepped out of the bakery, leaving the brilliant smell of freshly baked goods behind me. It didn't take me long to get back to the music school as I took the road through the woods which led to the dandelion field behind our school. There I found Louis, on his knees, picking dandelions. I couldn't believe my own eyes. Who was he doing it for?

ANNA'S POV

Another morning meant another two hours of embroidering with the ladies. Which just meant listening to a group of women talk about how charming Lord Styles is and being asked questions about his preferences in everything. Jesus Christ I am his companion, not the spy assigned to him. "I have been invited to the Ball that the queen is holding. Mr. Styles is also going. Are you going too Miss Anna?" Elspheth asked. "Mmhmm I am going as Ha- um Mr. Styles' companion," I said without looking away from my embroidery. "Do you think he will like the dress I got sewn for this occasion? It has mouse designs on it," She spoke enthusiastically. Maybe too enthusiastically. All the other ladies gushed at this. "Oh my god Mr. Styles would never be able to take his eyes off of you," or "I am pretty sure its hideous. Rats are hideous beings." I was baffled by this ridiculousness. They had actually taken my words seriously. Oh well. Maybe it was for the best. I had a tea party to attend this afternoon with Harry. That was more important. 

In her heart, Anna knew she had fallen for Harry when they were both twelve. The feelings she had for Harry grew stronger everyday but she never let them rise to the surface. Her love for him was so strong that she was willing to sacrifice her happiness for his own. His happiness was with Louis and she would do anything for him. Even if it meant going against the the Church and their own parents.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

\- Dr. Seuss


	10. Just Another Reason To Make You Stay

HARRY'S POV

I was saying goodbye to Dusty when my father came into earshot. "You should think about marrying Anna. She's a nice, proper lady and you have known her all your life," he tried to reason. "Anna is my friend. I am not interested in her romantically father," I said as I walked towards my mum. "Don't take your father's words to heart my dear. He is growing old," she whispered in my ear as I pecked her cheek as goodbye. I really loved my mum. While walking to the carriage, I spotted ox-eye daisies growing by the hedge. Normally this wouldn't have made me happy but they reminded me of how Louis had them growing by his windowsill. I knelt down to pick a bunch for him before fashioning a bow out of one of the leaves to tie around the bunch of blossoms. I did not even bother to dust my trousers as I got up and headed for the carriage. I was far too deep in my thoughts, which consisted of Louis and only Louis. "Are we going anywhere before going to the music school milord?" James spoke just as my imagination had started to form a scenario. "Uh yes we have to visit Water's Edge. Lady Anna is waiting for us," I said. 

The ride to Water's Edge was an half an hour affair but to me, it felt like forever. Anna climbed into the carriage and Cordelia followed suit. "Tell me Cordelia, what mischief did she get up to today?" I chuckled and Anna smacked my arm as I did. "At least I don't talk to my cats," Anna huffed. "Dusty is an upstanding member of my family who needs to make conversation too sometimes," I replied. Anna snorted at this. The prim and proper lady who hates my humor snorted at my joke. I grinned from ear to ear. "Get down from your high horse Styles. We all know how bad your humor is," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I still made you laugh Churchill," I chucked. She just stared out the window for the rest of the way, refusing to accept defeat. To be perfectly honest, I would have pestered her until she said that I am extremely entertaining to be around but today was different. I was more bothered if I looked presentable or not. I even asked Cordelia to lend me a mirror so that I could fix my untamed curls. This man truly had me wrapped around his dainty fingers without even a feeble attempt. I was more excited to meet Louis than I was when Dusty was brought into the household. I remember counting the seconds till she was brought in.

LOUIS' POV

To say I was nervous about spending this much time with him was not saying enough. My heart felt like it would burst out of my chest with how fast it was beating. What if he didn't like my tea? What if he thought this arrangement was not good enough? What if he thought the biscuits were- no my mum's baked goods are incredible. I was pacing in the corridors when Amy popped out of nowhere. "Worried he might think that you are too short Lou?" she chuckled. "Ugh give me a break. I am big," I huffed back. Yes I was a little short but that's Amy's problem. She is too tall. "Mmmmhhmm yes, sure , of course, you are tall," she mocked. If it had been a normal day, I would have debated till she accepted defeat and admitted that I had a perfect height. This afternoon was different. Harold was visiting for tea. I had to make sure I looked perfect. That would be hard to accomplish when I was trying to impress an impeccably perfect man like him.

Time had passed quicker than I expected it to and soon I could hear the horses' hooves against the path. I was pacing up and down the corridors again. Why did this man make me more nervous than any woman ever had? Before I knew it, the carriage came into view and Amy pulled me unto the doorway. He climbed out of the carriage and I could swear my throat closed for a minute. I was unable to speak, lost for words. He looked out of the world gorgeous. The way his gorgeous curls cascaded down his shoulders made me weak in the knee. "After-um I mean you um good afternoon Sir," I fumbled with my words which made me turn even more red. "Good afternoon to you too Mr. Tomlinson," he spoke. I could tell that he was confident in himself. I would have been too if I was as tall, broad and manly as he was. I was rather short and had a more feminine figure. I didn't even know I had been gaping at him until Miss Churchill broke the silence. "Lets not dally now, shall we? And Harry I thought you had something for Mr. Tomlinson here?" she chirped. Harold blushed as he produced a bunch of ox-eye daises with his left hand which had been behind his back the entire time. I beamed with happiness. How on earth had he figured out that I loved wildflowers? As I took the bunch of flowers, our hands briefly touched and I felt a spark of electricity. As I fiddled with the bow he had fashioned so carefully, I wondered if he felt the same electricity I had felt. 

As we were sipping tea, Miss Churchill gasped. "These are the best biscuits I have ever had. You must tell me which bakery you got these from." she said. "How about I take you there after tea my lady? Amy piped in. "I would like that very much Miss Thompson," she replied curtly before sipping her tea. Amy smirked at me. Dear Lord, I had to spend all that time with Harold. I glared back at her. Miss Churchill also smirked at me. Brilliant. She also knew about this. 

Before I knew it, three women were walking away from us. Who would have ever thought that there would be this much of uncomfortable silence between two men. "Do you drink Mr. Styles?" I asked rather awkwardly. I knew I needed to be at least tipsy to stay alive this long, alone with this epitome of gorgeousness of a man. "Yes I do Mr. Tomlinson," he replied, that gaze never leaving me. I was rather surprised that I didn't have burnt holes on my shirt. "Would you like a drink then?" I asked with more confidence than before. "Why would I not Mr. Tomlinson?" he replied with a smirk, showcasing his dimple. "Follow me then," I said as I got up. 

Two minutes later, he was sitting on my bed, glass of scotch in hand. I was perched up on my desk. My short stature allowed that. I was already feeling the effect of the alcohol on me and it was just my second glass. "You look beyond gorgeous today Harold," I giggled. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Thank you Louis. You look incredible yourself," he replied, smirk growing wider. "No no no ssssshhhhh I am short. You're tall and you look bloody incredible," I said. He got up and walked over to me. "And who said that is a bad thing? If anything, it makes you look even prettier," he said. His mouth was dangerously close. "But pretty is for girls. 'm supposed to look manly and confident," I said, pushing the limit . "You need not worry about that as long as you're with me my dove," he said as he took my face in his hands. "Bu-," my words were cut short as he pressed his lips to mine and I could swear sparks flew. "Wow," was all I said. "Have you never been kissed?" he questioned. "No not really. I wanted my first kiss to be like the ones in the books," I mumbled. "Did I reach your expectations then?" he smirked. Oh boy he was cocky. "Yes you exceeded them Ha- Mr. Styles," I stuttered as I spoke. "I think we can skip the formalities now love," he cocked his head. "Yes um of course we ca- can." I fumbled with my words. So that meant I could call him Harold then? Nah it is too soon. I cannot let him know that I already had a nickname for him. "Let us go outside now dear. They will wonder where were off to," he said as he lifted me off the desk and set me on the floor. I would be lying if I said I didn't pout after he put me down. "Come on now. Oh did I upset you?" he chuckled. "No you did not Harry. I am ecstatic. Can't you see?" I said, sarcasm lacing my voice. He just smiled, pulling me out of my room. We walked as slow as possible to the garden where the ladies were talking abut flowers. "Harry can we leave now?" Miss Churchill whispered into Harold's ear. "Mmhhmmm yes we should take our leave now Lo- erm Mr. Tomlinson. It was an an incredible way to spend an afternoon. Thank you so much for arranging this gathering Miss Thompson and Mr. Tomlinsom," he said before they both turned on their heels and started to walk towards the carriage. I just wished I had another reason to make him stay. Just another reason not to let him go.

'You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how'

\- Rhett Butler, "Gone With The Wind"


	11. Home Is Where The Heart Is

AMELIA'S POV

I was thinking all was going well until I saw Lou's lips were swollen and he was flushed as red as a tomato. Jesus Christ what had he been doing? As they said their goodbyes, I noticed Mr. Styles' hair was an absolute mess and he was flushed too. Um alright. At least Lou looked happy. That was all that mattered for now. Emphasis on the 'for now.' Love is love but we all knew what happens when something out of the church's orders happened in the conservative protestant England. "Um Amy is it alright if I do not eat supper today? Just tell them I fell asleep," he asked sheepishly. I so wanted to tell him to eat but he would get angry and nothing else would come out of it. "Well sure you can as long as you eat another piece of bread with butter," I said as I handed him a piece. "Oh of course. Thank you Amy," he said as he nibbled at the piece of bread. I noticed that he only ate properly when his Harry was with him. I didn't know what spell he had put on him but I sure hoped that this lasted. The boy simply didn't eat enough. It was a shame if I were to be completely honest. He had lost the colour in his cheeks and his eyes had become dull. It was a pretty small change that no one would ever notice unless they had seen him before all the incidences. He soon got up after finishing his bread, leaving me alone with my thoughts. He would be going to Aibsyn Manor tomorrow again to drop off the songs. I was truly happy knowing that Mr. Styles would not let Lou go without making him eat something and that was all that held importance to me. I really did not give a flying hoot about what the church thought about this relationship. I would fight the devil himself if that is what it took for Tommo to be happy. He had done a lot for me. He had argued with my father till he let me study music and teach here.

HARRY'S POV

The next morning I had woken up with a foul taste in my mouth. Then I remembered that a package had come from Katerina. I will throw anything that woman sends me from now on out of the window. I quickly dressed myself and ran my hands through my hair a couple of times. That will have to do. I had to train the new stallion that had been brought in. But first he had to be taken to the veterinarian. This was an absolute loss of a buy. I much preferred geldings over stallions. They are much calmer.

A short walk later, I was at the stables. James was panting as he ran to me. "What is is name James?" I asked as we both walked to the horse. "Its Louis. He's a beautiful horse Harry. He is reddish brown with a white spot on his forehead. His eyes are what strike me. They are a beautiful shade of blue," he praised the horse. I choked when I heard its name was Louis. Who on earth names their horse Louis? I was lost for words when I saw the stallion. It was a horse version of Lou. "Uh James?" I spoke. "Yes Harry?" he asked. "Take him to the veterinarian this afternoon," I said simply. "Alright. Will you go back home now?" he asked, seeing that I had begun walking away. "Yes I will return to the manor now," I said as I picked up speed.

Home wasn't at the manor. Home was with Louis. The manor was simply an insufferable place I slept in. Maybe I could marry him and we could make a home together. I was blushing furiously as I entered the foyer to find my baby....no no, Louis drinking tea with my mum. He looked so beautiful and delicate. He looked like a china doll. I just wanted to keep him in my pocket and hide him away from all of the world. "Good Morning Mr. Styles," he said as he stood up. "Sit down Louis. Call me Harry please," I said as I poured myself a cup of tea. The way he sipped tea with his narrow pink lips made me weak in the knee. His sharp features did little to take away how soft he looked. He was beautiful and had an equally if not more beautiful heart to match. The way his piercing blue eyes changed colour with green swirls was the most fascinating thing to me. He had a little bit of green in his and I had a little bit of blue in mine. "Um Louis? Would you fancy a drink with me?" I asked with as much confidence an weasel would have with a dog. He blushed furiously and nodded. I smirked knowing that I had the same effect on him as he had on me. "He is in love with you Harold," my mum whispered in my ear causing me to spit out my tea. "Mum what are you talking about?" I said as I motioned for the maid to clean up the mess. "We will talk about this in the gardens after luncheon. Will Mr. Tomlinson join us?" her lips curled into a warm smile. "Louis will you stay for lunch?" I asked with big doe eyes. "If its not too much trouble for you Mrs. Styles," he said as he picked at his nails. It was a habit I despised. I will tell him after our marriage. Judging by the amount of times I think about marrying him, I might actually end up doing that. "Now Louis, what about that drink you promised to have with me?" I said as I got up. He got up and bolted towards my room. "What was that mum?" I asked, surprised at his sudden actions. "He wants you to chase him you fool," she chuckled as she pushed me. I blushed as I picked up speed.

We were quick about going to my room. I was actually walking quite slow, it was Louis who was running like the devil was after him. I wonder what had gotten him so excited. My smirk only grew wider as I noticed two buttons of his shirt were undone and his portruding collarbones were visible. Everything about this beautiful man in front of me was my favorite thing in the world. He was so soft and feminine. God has taken his sweet time while making him and it definitely showed. The way his small waist splayed out to a beautiful pair of hips was a sight to see. I wondered if he ever saw what I saw when I shamelessly gaped at him. "Um Harry?" he asked as he stared at me with the most beautiful face I had ever seen. I was falling face first for this man and he wasn't even trying. He did it effortlessly and with grace. "Yes Louis? Oh right. Where are my manners?" I said as I poured two glasses of scotch for the two of us. He pouted in response. "Did I do anything that upset you my dove?" I asked, bewildered. "Um I was sort of maybe expecting something," he said as he bashfully looked away. I took his small face in my hands and pressed my lips to his. I could see myself doing this every morning as we woke up in each other's arms. As I deepened the kiss, I felt him give himself up to me. I did what any gentleman would do and I picked him up, supporting him by his bum while he wrapped his legs around my waist. Our rather intimate moment was cut short by the knocking on my door. Louis was quick to jump out from my arms and fix his hair. "Come in," I croaked. I simply refused to believe that the boy had never been kissed before. He was sure as hell bloody brilliant at it. Anna stormed in and made herself comfortable on my bed. "I happen to know why I was not let in earlier," she smirked. "What on earth do you mean?" I asked, running my hands through my long curls. "Cut it Styles. I could hear the groans from outside. Anyway, I am here to call 'the men' for lunch," she said, making an obvious little show of calling us the men. "Okay Anna. We will be down shortly," I said. "Jesus Harry. You could have just said that you didn't have enough of Mr. Tomlinson here," she said as smirked at Louis, who was a flustered mess. Soon after Anna left, I pecked his swollen lips. "Lets go eat my dear," I said, motioning for him to walk before me. I grabbed his wrist after seeing his collar bones, where two purplish bruises had made themselves prominent. I buttoned up his shirt properly. "Those are for my eyes only kitten," I growled in his ears which caused him to stutter a tiny 'yes harry.' Maybe it was that moment that I realised how much I actually loved the man in front of me.

'I like not only to be loved but, also be told that I am loved.'

\- George Elliot


	12. Don't Let Me Go

LOUIS' POV

Holy cow I had kissed Harold twice. If it was all a dream, I never wanted to be woken up. He treated me like I was made of glass, like I would break upon the slightest of harsh touches. Now I was following him to the dining hall. How was I to tell him that I did not like to eat that often. As I sat down at the table, my stomach began to turn. However, I choked down a piece of the roast duck before silently cursing myself for agreeing. The rest of the meal was eaten in complete silence and I was thankful for it. I wouldn't have been able to talk while forcing food down my throat. 

I expressed my gratitude to the cook and to them for letting me stay, Then I bid goodbye to Harold before politely excusing myself. I saw his mum snickering to a very flustered Harry from the corner of my eye. As I walked away from the manor, one thought entered my head. 'Why did he let me go? He is a man of great power. He could have asked me and I would have been forced to comply. Why didn't he ask me to stay?' Then my mind started to spin other conclusions. Maybe he finally realised that I was not worthy of him, maybe he had realised that a love like this would never last, maybe he had realised that men are never supposed to fall in love with each other. If he thought so, then its alright. I was never worthy of love anyway. My father made sure that was engrained in my head before he left this world for good. Even the ones I attended music school, they always reminded me of how I wasn't manly enough, tall enough or strong enough. Those words had never bothered me to this extent until now. This time they just seemed like more reasons why I would be rejected by Harold. More reasons adding to why the already hopeless love would never last. I was devastated by the time I got back. I wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep. I couldn't do that of course. Daphne excused many of my shenanigans but I knew that skipping classes would never be excused. My heart was sinking as I entered the class. I would never make them practise the classical pieces in class. They could do that in their free time. I reserved classes for the pieces Harold and Miss Churchill would compose. If I were to be completely honest, I felt those compositions had more personality than the more popular ones, they were more intimate and special.

ANNA'S POV

I was willing to bet a hundred pounds that they had kissed. I was shocked at first but then it turned into delight. Finally Harry had found love and that was all that mattered. I could see it in his eyes. The sheer look of desperation as he said goodbye. If he could, without making his father question the action, he would've made the lad stay longer. It was a sight laced with melancholy. I could give you my word that if Louis had been a woman, Harry's father would have gotten them married right then and there. Their love was unconventional but it was so real, raw and intimate. It was like the whole world disappeared when they stared into each other's eyes, like it was just the two of them in their own little realm.

ANNE'S POV

After the boy had left, I ushered my son to the gardens. He was flustered and stuttering due to the fact that I knew. Well what did he expect from his mother? I can tell what he is thinking about at any given moment. "Harry, my dear, you know that he is in love with you right?" I asked as he stared at the grass. "Uh what? No. Uhm we are both men," he said. "That doesn't answer my question dear," I said with a soft tone. "Um it does," he said with pauses after each word. "Just so you know Harry, I will stand by your side no matter what you want to do. I could not marry for love, I want to make sure my son doesn't face the same predicament," I said before being pleasantly surprised with a hug. "Thank you mum. I love you," he said as he bent down and buried his face in my nook of my shoulder. I remembered him telling me how the scent of my perfume was engrained in his memory. What had I done to deserve this angel of a son?

"The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough is love."

\- Henry Miller


	13. Underneath The Rising Sun

LOUIS' POV

I was up bright and early next morning because of the persistent knocking on my door. It was the Lord's day. If it was Amy, she would surely get a piece of my mind. I got up and simply opened the door, without bothering to put my shirt on. Alas it was Daphne. I scrambled to my bed and wrapped myself in the blanket. "Uh Daphne?" I asked as I awkwardly sat on the bed. "A letter came for you last night. It isn't your mum. Your mum uses a rose wax seal, this one has a sunflower," she said as she handed me the envelope. "Oh uh thank you Daph," I said as she got my flow and walked out of the room. I gingerly opened the wax seal to find a beautiful letter written by none other than my Harold himself. His handwriting was the most note worthy one I had seen in a while. That was saying a lot considering I was a teacher. I decided this letter needed me to properly dress before reading it so that's what I did. It was mixture of thunder and lightning, a feeling exciting, it was what i was feeling about reading that letter. Considering what my mind had conjured earlier, my thoughts were rather positive. They should have been, I am gorgeous aren't I?

I was sitting under the oak tree, the sun was just begining to rise. I took the precious letter out of my pocket and and began to read.

'To My Fair Star

Dear Louis,

I am under the steady gaze of my mother as I write. Excuse me if you see streaks of ink. That would be my mother correcting me as she is rather convinced that you have me bewitched.

How are you my wonderful happiness? I have never been good at expressing myself in person. I would start expecting more letters if I were you. I recently found out through my gardener that blue roses symbolize unrequited love. That makes my gift to you rather meaningless. After all my love for you is more than obvious. Even if it were'nt obvious, I would have written you a dozen poems expressing myself to you. How could I not? You are beyond gorgeous, both inside and out. I would be a fool not to. You make my cold exterior melt in a matter of seconds. You make me think of things I never wanted to. You bring out the good in me, the flustered schoolboy I'd say. Alright I got a well deserved smack on my arm from my mother for writing that. I will be more discreet from now onwards and you, my sparrowling, excuse my ineligible handwriting.

You must start to wonder which fool you fell for. Let me answer for you. The fool who will forever be yours. Do you ever wonder how someone simply falls for you? I never wanted to love. That only results in heartbreak. Then you came along like autumn and I fell for you like leaves would. I am so deep in that it frightens me even for who knows what this love might bring. I cannot assure you a lot of things but I will always assure you of the love I have for you.

I would like you to know that a rather beautiful blue eyed stallion was purchased by my father the other day. To say he reminded me of you would be strange. I hope you are not taken aback by your lover comparing you to a horse. Can I call myself that my dove?

By the time you read this, it will probably be morning. If you do happen to read it while the sun is rising, I shall let you in on a little secret. You remind me of the sun for your thoughts brighten up my day more than the sun ever could. You have my devotion but I really do wish you would stop taking up all the space in my mind. It's extremely distracting when I am writing documents and I suddenly find myself describing your eyes. I almost sent an appeal to the queen the other day which had traces of your descriptions. Thank Anna for proofreading it or else you, my little kitten, would have been severely exposed in the offices for it was to be read out loud. 

I will not make this letter horribly long as I would never want to strain those gorgeous oceanic eyes of yours. Daydream of me as I would like us to be even in this predicament you have put me in.

Yours always and forever,

Harold.'

I almost fainted by the time I finished reading that letter. It was beyond my expectations of what he would write to me. I would immediately have to write back to him. I could never imagine how he would have known my little name for him. I was flustered. Could I address him as Harold now? Were we lovers now? I was pinching myself as I walked back to the hall for breakfast.

"I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you're everything that exists; the reality of everything. Life, I tell you, would be impossible without you."

\- Virginia Woolf


	14. Everything I've Waited For

HARRY'S POV

The day was rather uneventful to begin with. Transcribing records wasn't the most enjoyable work. To be completely honest, if I had to transcribe something to begin with, I would much rather write letters to my sparrowling. I had to go into town after this for my mother's perfume. It was not necessarily my chore but I had insisted upon it for I knew what perfume she had been using since the day of my birth. I was sentimental like that but I was most definitely not weak. Louis had changed that. I found myself giving in to whatever he wanted. In all my twenty three years of living, I had never chased anyone like I had him the other afternoon. Katerina tried but never had I given in to that mindless act. I gave in to Lou for I adored that smile of his and the gleam in his eyes that accompanied it, making them look like the most precious orbs in the history of the world and I was more than willing to do whatever it took to keep them that way.

It did not take long for the time of my little trip to arrive. I was gleaming when the maid knocked on my door. I had thought that my little one had written back. That was not the case. The case was that the carriage was waiting for me outside, with Anna in it. She needed perfume too was my guess. Also, she might have come to pester me.

As soon as I sat beside her, I was attacked with a storm of questions vaguely along the lines of 'did he reply?', 'are the feelings mutual?', 'will you marry him?' I almost choked at the last question. Truth be told I did want to marry him but I did not think she was ready for that kind of information. 

An hour was all the time it took to get the perfume and return to the manor. Anna fortunately left as I noticed a letter on my desk. It appeared to be a formal one. I opened the wax seal and saw it was but a reply from my little dove. I then hastily began to read.

'To My Charming Lover

Dear Harold,

I am extremely flustered and giggly like a fool while writing this thanks to reading your letter a dozen times. I must ask. How on earth did you find out my little pet name for you? Please do not tell me I had called you that by accident. You might wonder if I like Dusty more than I like you. The answer to that would be yes. How could I not? At least I know she does not fall face first on plain ground. Yes, Miss Churchill told us all about your clumsiness. I think she just wanted to make sure I knew what I liked. Although I must say that your eyes make up for it all. 

Love, did you ever notice how you have swirls of blue in your eyes and I have swirls of green in mine? it is like you and I have a little bit if each other. The little bit we would never be complete without. We really are a perfect match, aren't we?

I did not necessarily mind you finding similarities with the horse. Although I would love to see him. Will you please bring him the next time you visit?

Please do tell your mother that I am extremely proud of my accomplishment of charming you. Now as I tell you that you have done the same to me, get off of your high horse. You have seen the effect you have on me. Nobody ever had that effect on me. I really do adore you. All of you, including your horrible jokes and clumsiness. Darling don't worry, I will always be there to catch you if you fall.

You can call me anything you want, my sweet. I am, after all, yours. Would you believe me if I told you it has been almost six years since I played a classical piece? I always play your compositions and I have been doing so before I fell for you. You are a talented composer my dear. I know you send them for corrections but I never have found a single mistake to do so. Your compositions are incredibly impeccable.

I will end before I get too carried away. Trust me when I say, I could spend forever talking or writing to you. Dream a little dream of me when you go to sleep, love.

Lovingly,

Your Louis.'

As I finished the letter for the fifth time, I realised how much I actually wanted to have this man all to myself. It really isn't easy being of the jealous kind and having your most precious person so far away. I wanted to keep him tucked under my arm for the rest of our lives. As I drifted off to sleep, I did exactly what he asked me to do, I dreamt of him all night long.

"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen"

\- Francois de La Rochefoucauld


	15. You Bring Me Home

LOUIS' POV

I was freezing my feet off, sitting on the fence, waiting for his letter. After an hour, it began to seem like my precious piece of parchment would never come. Just as I was about to head inside to bury my head in a pillow and cry my eyes out, I heard the letter boy put a letter in the mailbox. I ran like my feet were on fire, not caring about the dirt getting on my trousers, to retrieve my letter. Sure enough it was from him, I knew the seal he used. 

I rushed into my room, making sure not to bump into anyone. I really did not want to be asked a thousand questions about why I was out so late. I locked the door behind me before quickly changing into my night wear, deciding that I would let my love's words lull me to sleep. I quickly climbed into bed, placing the empty envelope on my bedside stand. I kept his letters tucked in a drawer along with all the flowers I had pressed. I could never throw the little gifts he gave me, Everything he gave me was as precious as my life to me. After all the biggest gift he had given me was giving me half of his heart to make up for what I had given him from mine. As I began to read I was begining to wonder if such a time would ever come when his deep, husky voice would lull me to sleep instead of just his written words.

'To My Fair Star

Dear Louis, 

How are you faring so far? My precious china doll, I knew you called me Harold when I read the inscription on the bottom of the envelope that you had put the composition sheets in. I will never get off my high horse as charming you has to be my greatest accomplishment. Never have I been this delighted to have achieved something. You have made me extremely jealous of a cat, Lou. Do you really think it is easy being of the jealous kind, my sweet? My darling, I might be clumsy but I would never let you fall if I pick you up. I am extremely careful of the things I adore and you really have no idea how much I adore you.

I have to been quite alright except for the constant distraction that is you. You haven't even the slightest grasp on how much I think about you. It seems like the only thing I want to do these days is either talking to you or writing to you. Everything else seems so distasteful now that I am in love. Yes, my dove, I am in love. I am in love with you, truly, madly, deeply and completely. You have me bewitched, body, mind and soul. I could have never asked for a better lover. You are so perfect my dear, that you frighten me. Very much so for I could never be enough for such a wonderful person like you

I saw that the autumn flower, bog sage, has begun flowering behind the manor. I am delighted to say that they match my sweet kitten's bright eyes. My mind just keeps on finding pieces of you within my surroundings, maybe to make up for the empty space underneath my arm. That is strictly your place, my sparrowling. My sweet kitten, you have absolutely no idea exactly how much it pains me that you are so near yet so far. How I wish you were here with me, running your delicate fingers through my hair as I speak to you of love.

I could never explain how known your presence feels to me. I have never felt so at home until I spent time with you. I believe that when you spend time with your ever after, you should feel completely calm, at home almost. If you ever wonder why the dull, rainy days never manage to dull my smile, that is because I have found a ray of sunshine more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. 

I will be visiting the next day as I might rip my hair out in frustration for not being able to see you. I will be sure to bring Louis, the horse. He probably will not even resemble you for I simply find similarities with you among everything. Forgive my eccentricity but you must remember how much I miss you when I say such things. 

I must end this letter here if I want it to reach by tonight. I apologise to have kept you waiting my sweet dove. Think of me and my words as you fall asleep so you can dream of me, my little kitten. 

Yours always and forever, 

Harold'

I was positively over the moon when I finished reading the letter. My darling would visit me tomorrow. How could I ever sleep knowing that? I would have said something horribly rude to someone if they had called me little but since it was my sweetheart I let it pass. If I were being completely honest, I would let my clumsy lover get away with anything. I loved seeing his dimples more than anything and I would do anything to keep them everlasting on his cheeks. Yes, I really did love him. He made me excited but that was because I hadn't felt like I was home in a long time.

"Life is the flower for which love is the honey"

\- Victor Hugo


	16. Things We'd Never Say Out Loud

HARRY'S POV

I was more than willing to finish my work earlier than ever if it meant staying a moment longer with him. If it were to be another day, I would have been completely lost in the thought of him but today was different. That day, he was the little push I needed to properly do my work. There was something about him that captivated more than my eye. It was his little squeals, the small shy smile, the long lashes that adorned his cerulean eyes and his thin, cherry red lips that were sweeter than honey that had me at his feet. It was never only one particular thing that were the reason of my smile. It was him as a whole. His voice was more than enough drug to lull me to sleep even though I could never fully comprehend what he was saying due to his Southern Yorkshire accent. In all honesty, I could spend all day looking at him for he was that kind of person. A person to gawk at all day because even the simplest things done by him became sights to admire.

By the time my work for the day was finished, it was time for bed for most. I would have to make up some foolish excuse related to Katerina if I were to be able to visit Lou. I walked up to father with a nonchalant face. "I left my coat at Katerina's manor. I shall be going to retrieve it and pay her a visit," I said simply. He nodded in agreement. I knew this was the only way I could leave the manor at this hour with no questions asked. Not bothering with the carriage, I mounted Lewis, and went my merry way.

It didn't take me long before I was standing at the doorstep of Lou's room. The door itself was covered in paintings of flowers, a detail I had never noticed before. Almost everything about my boy was delicate and warm. Was I even allowed to call him all mine? He had said so in his letter but I still had my doubts. However could I not? He was the most beautiful cherub I had ever encountered. I quickly pushed my hair and my thoughts back and straightened my jacket before knocking on his door.   
The sight I saw when he opened the door made my jaw drop to the floor, he looked as soft as a kitten, a kitten I wanted to hold for the rest of my days. He was already in his nightwear, probably deciding that his lover wouldn't keep his word. 'So you finally decided to keep your promise, Harold?' he said with his hands on his hips with a pout. I quickly wiped his lips with my thumb, leaving him flabgasterated. "What was that for?" he asked, looking up at me. "Your lips were not forming a smile so I wiped the disdain away," I said, smiling wide. He shook his head but nonetheless put on a cloak and led me to the back yard. The cold in the air was evident. Maybe a little too cold for my kitten's liking who's entire face was flushed red. I sat on a bench and immediately pulled him on my lap. "Now now Harold, you must ask for permission before doing something like that," he said softly as he laid his head on my chest, making himself smaller as if to gather as much warmth from me as possible. "Well I would like to think that I do not by judging your actions,"I smirked.

We sat like that for a while, just basking in each other's presence, my arms occasionally pulling him closer just so he wouldn't be more cold than he already was, when I noticed Lou looking up at the sky, blue eyes as wide as ever. 'What are you gaping at, my sweet?" I asked, running a hand through his feathery hair. "I'm naming the stars after people I love,' he said without a moment's hesitation. 'Well do I get a star then, kitten?' I asked, worried about the response I would receive. I was at my wit's end. 'No you don't,' he said without even looking at me. I was devastated. He turned around, took my face in his hands and wiped the tears that had begun to cascade down my cheeks. 'You get the moon, you silly goose,' he chuckled and proceeded to kiss my cheek. "Do you truly love me that much Lou?" I asked. "I do, Harry, I do. More than you could ever imagine," he said, looking straight into my bloodshot eyes. "You could never possibly love me as much as I love you, my love," I mumbled.He hummed contentedly and sighed. "I wish we could stay like this forever, Harry," he barely whispered. I was probably not supposed to hear that but I did. "We will stay like this forever. Together forever. Even if it be on a cold iron bench with you on my lap," I said, chuckling at the last part.

"Carry me inside please, Harold?" he said while yawning. "Wrap your legs around my waist then, kitten," I said as he followed suit. With his arms secure around my neck, I stood up and placed my hands under his upper thighs to support him. With my precious kitten secure, I walked the few steps to his room. I was just about to leave after laying him on his bed and tucking him under the sheets when he firmly clasped my arm. "Please don't go, Harry," he said but I could hear the pleading in his voice. I could never leave him like that. Never in a million years. "Just give me a moment," I said as I excused myself so I could strip my clothes to my undergarments. As I was taking off my shirt, I could feel my innocent kitten's eyes raking my bare skin. I quickly undressed before climbing into bed with him. He immediately scooted close to me and laid his head on my chest. He smelled like books, a floral perfume and vanilla. An invigorating mix of scents and it fit my sweet creature perfectly. I could feel myself being lulled to sleep with the humming vibrations on my chest. All my worries faded away, even the problem of what excuse I would use for not returning that night.

And just like that, their presence was drug enough for each other to fall into the soundest sleep either of them had slept in months, even years. Being in each other's arms was what gave them the sense of comfort and made it feel like home. Indeed, they had already found each other's home in them although they had not even known each other for two months but the guess is that is how soulmates work.

Doubt thou the stars are fire;

Doubt that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt I love.

\- William Shakespeare


	17. Leaving Had Never Been Harder

LOUIS'S POV

I woke up with my face pressed flush to Harold's chest and engulfed in his arms. He was still sleeping like a log even though the sun had risen. But then again, it was the Lord's day. I tried to pry his arms off me but that proved to be the most unsuccessful attempt I had ever made. Every time I tried to slip away, he unconsciously pulled me closer, almost as if he was afraid he would lose me. Little did the man know, I would never leave him, ever.  
After lying there for a few more minutes, I began to grow restless. I needed to move, stretch my limbs. Also, I had to attend the morning prayer. How was I supposed to wake the log in my bed? Without thinking twice, I decided on kissing him till he woke. I started on his unresponsive lips and it wasn't long till I felt him demanding for dominance. His eyes soon fluttered open, pupils dilated. "Be careful about doing such things, Lou. I might get used to this and never leave you, kitten," he said in his husky morning voice. "Well then Harold, if you want to have more of me, I am afraid you might have let me go to church now," I said cheekily. He just held me tighter and nuzzled my neck and groaned. "No I am not letting you go. I will keep you all to myself. Please don't go," he mumbled into my neck. "Well then the head mistress will throw a fit that I didn't attend mass," I tried to reason. "I will talk to her. She cannot refuse my orders," he said as he started biting the skin on my shoulder. I hummed along in pure ecstasy. 'All mine," he said, emphasising each word with a soft bite and a kiss. "I am and I will always be yours, Harold." I barely whispered, too caught up in his works.

After he was done with marking my skin as he pleased, he let me go. Walking out of the bed, I suddenly felt self conscious about my lack of clothing. I quickly stepped behind the screen to get dressed. He was still splayed on the bed, only in his undergarments. "Well aren't you going to get going? Your father must be worried sick for you. Do you even have an excuse for why you did not return home last night, Harold?" I started to ramble. My nerves were starting to get the best of me, thinking about how we must hide this, at least for now. "I will just tell him I stayed over at Katerina's manor as her mother insisted," he said softly, almost with a hint of sadness. I went over to him and cupped his face in my hands. "Don't be sad. I know this is a very unlikely love but we will prevail. Do you trust your kitten, Harold?" I said as I softly tousled his hair. He leaned into my hands and whispered a yes. 

I had to make him jump over two fences from the back just so nobody sees him. I saw a horse tied a little far away from the main gate. "Is that the blue eyed horse that shares my name, Harold?" I asked. "Yes but I changed it to Lewis. Only you are allowed to have that name," he said, mounting the horse. "I'll write as soon as I get to the manor," he said and galloped away on the dirt road. "I will wait for your letter," I whispered to myself.

It was my turn to play at mass that morning and I was awfully late. Mass was almost over when I stumbled in. Everyone's eyes were on me and I felt my face become warm. The head mistress glared at me and so did Amy. "Everyone may leave except Mr. Tomlinson," she said with a icy cold voice. My heart dropped. After everyone had left, the headmistress motioned me to walk over her. "Care to explain this morning's events, Louis?" she asked in a voice so calm that it frightened me to my wit's end. "Ma'am I overslept. I had gone to bed very late last night. I had been organizing the compositions we had used in yesterday's classes," I explained calmly. "Alright. You're excused for today. I will not tolerate this kind of misbehaviour from you, Louis." she said as she dismissed me with a wave of her hand. I walked slowly to the dining hall, losing my appetite with every step. I was absolutely devastated. I had never been late to Sunday mass. 

AMELIA'S POV

I was getting worried about louis as I saw him strategically positioning the bits of food on his plate in a way to make it look like he had eaten something. He was a soft little thing. Everything affected him. Some may call it a weakness but he felt emotions stronger than anyone. "Lou, do you want to go to the garden? We could walk around for a while. We do not have any classes today," I asked, rubbing his shoulder. He hummed a yes as he got up. I took an apple from the basket before following him. "Don't take her words to heart, Lou. She was just not happy that you didn't play and she had to make me play. Tommo, everyone loves you, especially the one who left that mark on your shoulder," I said chuckling at the last part. He quickly adjusted his shirt as a bright red began to colour his cheeks. "What? No. There's no mark. What are you talking about? Did the chef mix something funny in that porridge?" he stammered out the sentences. "Oh don't act like you know nothing. Who was it?" I giggled, wiggling my eyebrows. He was a blushing little cherub in no time. "It was no one. I hit my shoulder while getting up this morning," he said, facing the other way. "Alright I believe you. Obviously you hit your shoulder. You must have been in a hurry," I said, barely containing my laughter. "Shut up. Did you see the headmistress's cat. That fool must not have been fed yet," he tried to change the subject. I tossed him the apple. "You feed yourself, I will feed the cat," I said, walking away to find that fat gray cat. I loved him with all my being but Lord, that cat was a handful. I had my doubts about who it could have been that had gotten Louis like this but Harry Styles always came to mind first. I just hoped that he didn't hurt my sweetest friend. I would just have to add his name to the ever growing list of people to hunt down. I did not have any prejudices against anyone unless it was someone that had made Lou cry. He is the sweetest person to just sit and admire, almost like a china doll. He is just as delicate and beautiful as one. Who could have it in their hearts to hurt him?

"You don't love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults."

\- William Faulkner


	18. Nothing Is Prettier Than You

HARRY'S POV

Another day just meant one more day that I had gone by without seeing Louis, one more day to dread the wedding that I knew was in near future. I wished I could run off to Italy with Louis. We would live away from the city and the people and write music. Only come to the city to perform. Other than that, we'd keep each other company and I would have him all to myself, away from the world and anyone who wanted to take him from me. Thoughts of losing him crowded my mind as I began getting ready for the day. To make it even worse, I could not even hold him impossibly close to me, letting me have a moment's assurance that I wouldn't ever be without his hand in mine.

As I was discussing the day's duties, an opportunity to meet Louis came up. I was going to town after breakfast to check on our town house, I could visit the music school on my way back. And as I was going to town, I could get him a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers, tied up with a large blue bow. Being apparently intimidating had its virtues and your actions not being questioned was one of them. A smile crept up to my face. I would make him happy. "What has made you smile early in the morning, Harry?" spoke up my father, rudely interjecting my thoughts. "The fact that Dusty will be having kitten in a month's time, father" I said plainly, spooning a piece of the egg to my lips. I swore I heard my mum chuckle. "Well do you have names for them? Are you going to keep all of them? I thought Katerina had wanted a cat. You should give her one," He started rambling. "I will name them when they arrive. And yes, I will be keeping all of them. There is no house that couldn't do with more cats," I said, finishing up my last piece of bread. I wouldn't trust Katerina with one from of my precious Dusty's first kindle.

As I was skipping down the stairs, running a hand through my hair to make it stay in place, my mum called for me. "Harry, sit with me for a while," she said after noticing me enter the parlor. Putting down her embroidery, she looked at me. "Get Louis a nice little gift while you are in town. Go to the Lawrence's. Get the boy a pendant or a little bracelet," she said, rubbing my hands. "Yes mum, of course," I said, blood rising to my cheek. "My darling boy looks so handsome," she said while ruffling my hair, making it look perfect within seconds. "I think I am in love with him, mum," I said shyly. "Darling you have been in love with him ever since you saw him. I could see it in your eyes," she said softly. "Is it that evident that I am completely smitten by him?" I asked, completely embarrassed that I was oblivious to my surroundings when he was around. "It is no bad thing to be in love. I am glad you found someone who makes you so happy. I was in love once but that is a story for another day. Just know that I will fight for you darling. You are so brave. I have always admired that about you," she said, looking at me with her tender smile. "Thank you mum. I have learnt it all from you," I mumbled. "Now shoo away from here. Do you want to sit on your mummy's lap now? You have a gift to buy and a beautiful boy to make happy," she said with a dimpled grin, taking the embroidery frame back in her hands. Chuckling, I got up to leave but not before giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Oh mummy?" I started. She hummed in response. "Would you like something from town?" I asked. "Just a bottle of the new perfume from the Evans Perfumery and while you are at the Lawrence's, give Estella my best wishes about her daughter. She is to be married soon," she said softly. I hummed as I walked out of the door.

I was looking through the bracelets but none were nice enough to fit my princess. I was about to give up when a moon shaped amethyst pendant caught my eye. The purple would beautifully compliment his eyes, resting between his protruding collarbones. "Could I have this nicely packed in a pretty box, Mrs Lawrence?" I asked politely, handing her the necklace. "Of course you could, poppet. Why don't you tell me how your mother is doing while I pack it up?" she chirped. "Mum is doing really well and she sends her best wishes for Alvina's marriage," I said with a smile. "That is nice to know," she said as she handed me a velvety green box. I place it my pocket, say my goodbyes before heading to the top florist in this part of England.

"Good afternoon, Sir," the boy at the entrance said as he opened up the gate for me. "Good afternoon to you too," I said, with a smile before I walked to the woman who ran the place. "Could I get a bouquet of just sunflowers, tied up with a large louis blue bow?" I asked as I scanned the sunflowers for the biggest and prettiest of the bunch. If I was going through the trouble of getting him a bouquet from here, might as well get the best out of it. She noticed what I was doing and stepped back to let me pick out the flowers. I took out ten of the nicest looking flowers and handed them to her to tie up. It was done within minutes and I had the nicest bouquet of flowers in my hands. I paid her for her work before heading my merry way to the carriage waiting for me outside the florist's. I was as excited as a child on Christmas morning. Not only would I get to meet my sun, I would get to see him smile so genuinely that I would get to see the dimple on his left cheek

"Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?"

\- William Shakespeare, 'As you like it -Act 4, Scene 3'


	19. I Love You With Your Hair Down

LOUIS' POV

I was toying with the piano when I heard the wind chime outside my classroom move. It was a present from the headmistress during my first Christmas here. I thought it was Amy who had snuck me a warm muffin and I casually put out my hand to receive my much awaited muffin. I made a motion with my fingers to show that I really did want the bloody muffin but no muffin came to me. "Oh for Christ's sake Amy just give me my muffin," I huffed as I turned around to face my Harold. "Oh it's you," I said as a smile crept to my lips. He gave me a dimpled grin. "Of course its me, darling. Although you sound like you wanted a muffin more. I'll have the chef make you some and bring them the next time I visit," he chuckled. "I just wanted a nice muffin I had missed during tea. No no I mean that uh I want you too. More than the muffin," I stuttered and immediately regretted my choice of words. "More than the muffin eh?" he smirked while fixing some of the hairs in his haphazard bun. "Yes more than the muffin. Now kiss me you fool," I said, getting up to put my arms around his neck. "Your wish is my command my princess," he said as he lightly pecked my lips. "More?" I said, tilting my head and widening my eyes. "I have something better for you. Did you really not notice this big bouquet?" he asked, motioning towards the bouquet that lay on my desk. "I did. I just thought they were for the Katerina who danced with you," I said sheepishly. "Oh no kitten I don't get flowers just for anyone. You would have to be as special as a certain feathery haired little sparrowling to ever get flowers from me," he said, caressing my cheeks, wiping away the tears that had began to fall at the thought of him getting flowers for anyone else. I wanted him all to myself. "Oh they are for me then?" I asked, clearly not talking about the flowers but the man who got them. "Of course my sweetheart. Its all for you," he said, not talking about the flowers either.

I had taken him to my room as to avoid being seen. I was locking the door when he pulled me to him and on his lap. "I have something for you darling," he whispered into my ear. I squeaked a little. "I love presents," I beamed happily, thinking it was a poem or something he had written. He pulled out a little green velvet box out of his pocket and opened it, all while holding me impossibly close to him. It was the most beautiful amethyst pendant in the shape of the moon. "Oh Harold you shouldn't have. As much as I love you, I cannot accept this. It looks far too expensive to be hanging around my neck," I started to ramble. "Darling I want to spoil you rotten with gifts and love. Let me do it. I am not being forced to do it. I am doing it out of free will. And this necklace actually looks dull compared to you. I promise you deserve it all. Everything I give you and more," he explained, putting the pendant on me. He then proceeded to turn me around as so I was straddling him. "I can't see it," he pouted like a child. "What?" I asked, confused. He then unbuttoned four buttons on my shirt to reveal the pendant resting just between my collarbones. He was smiling like a fool and nodding to himself. "Now what has gotten you smiling my love?" I asked, brows furrowing in confusion. "It looks just like how I pictured it. It rests just where I pictured it, between your collarbones. My little kitten looks so pretty," he said, ruffling my hair. I ran my hands through his hair. "I like you more with your hair down," I said while undoing his bun. He leaned into my hands, letting my fingernails slowly dig into his scalp which made his eyes roll back in pleasure. "I will take you with me and lock you up in my room, all for me," he said, the words coming from the back of his throat. "Oh so all I needed was a scalp massage? And here I was, doing up my hair, putting rouge on my lips and making sure I looked immaculate whenever I was supposed to see you. Silly me. I should have just fisted my hands into your hair and you would have called me yours," I mocked but continued to slightly tug at his hair after noticing the amount of pleasure he was getting from it. "You should have done it, darling. I would have kissed you sooner. Oh right there kitten. Pull a little harder," he was losing his train of thought, eyes rolling to the back of his head, he rested his head in the crook of my neck and mumbled incoherent declarations of love and strangled groans.

He pulled away from my neck after twenty minutes. I hadn't even noticed that the man had begun to nip at my skin and caused bruises to be apparent around my shoulders. "Harold if you must do something like that, can I at least get a proper kiss?" I demanded, gesturing to the marks on my shoulder. He smiled shyly as he pecked my lips again. "Harold you either give me twenty eight liplocks or I might actually throw you out of the window," I huffed as I started to get off his lap. I just wanted a bloody proper kiss for heaven's sake. He held on to my hips and pulled me back onto him. "My kisses, Harold," I said, brows furrowing in frustration. "So now I am more important than the muffin," he mocked, chuckling. "Yes yes you are. More important than the muffin, more important than anything. Now just kiss me for Christ's sake," I said, taking his face in my hands and locking our lips together. Kissing him never grew tiresome. It always felt like butterflies were crowding me inside. I almost felt like I could flutter away with how lightheaded it made me feel. He pulled away for a gasp of breath and I did the same, looking at him to see his pupils dilated and cheeks flushed.

"Please don't go," I mumbled, looking at his collar. "You will be coming to play tomorrow. After you do, eat lunch with us and you can spend the rest of the day in my work chambers with me. My mother quite likes you," he said, guiding my hands back into his hair. "Your father will have my head on a platter," I said, pulling on his hair. "MY father will not be at the manor for five nights kitten. And if he has an issue with anything, he can speak to me. Under no circumstances should he speak to you. He is a rather unpleasant man," he said. "Alright if you say so. I want to see the chambers in which my Harold spends so much time," I said, already happy at the idea of being with him for so long. "Will I get my hair cut, kitten? How do you like it?" he asked. "I uh like it when it's um long. Don't cut it please," I said as sweetly as a person could. "Well then it will stay like this if my kitten likes it," he said, brushing my hair away from my eyes. "Please do not feel obligated to do anything because you feel like I would like it better. I love you all the same with or without long hair," I said quickly. "Darling, I am not feeling obligated to do anything. I simply thought that as my lover, you deserve a say in some of the choices I make about my appearance," he said, softly rubbing my back. "I love love love love love love love you Lord Harry Styles," I said, kissing his cheek. "And I love you more than anything I have ever loved Mr. Louis Tomlinson," he replied.

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

\- Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice


	20. For As Long As You Want Me To

HARRY'S POV

The morning came slower than expected. After all time passed slower when you were waiting for someone. Waiting for him was another affair altogether. It almost felt like the man had staged all this to increase my woes. Why was he doing this? Had the thought of the fact that this relationship might never work finally hit him? I needed fresh air, the office was suffocating me. I got up to look at myself in the mirror. I appeared odd, stark pale and eyes which had lost their gleam. It was beyond my understanding as to why a man as beautiful as Louis ever want to be my lover but I was eternally grateful that he did. I ran my hand through my hand, fixing the hair that was reaching below my shoulders. I would have liked it a little shorter but as long as Louis was happy, so was I.

I slowly walked out into the garden where my mother was embroidering with Katerina out of all the people she could have chosen. For Christ's sake I know how to embroider too, she could have just told me. She ushered me to her and I followed accordingly. "Good morning Miss Ainsworth," I said with more stiffness than I had intended. "Good morning," she said. "Harry, would you go check if the pianist has arrived yet? Katerina came to hear him play," she said, evidently helping me get away from her. "Of course mum," I said, turning on my heels.

I walked into the parlor and immediately crashed into Louis causing him to loose his footing and almost fall. I was just quick enough to catch him, lifting him off his feet and cradling him close to me. "I apologise sweetheart, you could have hurt yourself," I mumbled into his shoulder. "No need to apologise Harold. I didn't fall now, did I?" he said as I let him down. "You are so forgiving, kitten," I said, kissing his cheek. "You look so handsome, darling," he said, gently caressing my face. "Thank you, love. You look prettier than a painting yourself," I said. "Now let me play. The sooner I get this done, the longer I can spend alone with my Harold," he said, walking over to the piano. "I will go call mum and Katerina," I said, noticing how he stiffened at the mention of her name. "You belong to me and only me," he hissed mostly to himself but I heard it.

Katerina was positively smitten with Louis. "You have such beautiful eyes Mr. Tomlinson. They look just like a summer's sky," she gushed. "Thank you Miss Ainsworth," he said, smiling but it was not genuine. The dimple on his left cheek was not there. "Katerina how do you fancy a tour of the rose gardens? The yellow roses are in full bloom and it is a rather gorgeous sight," mum said, effortlessly saving this uncomfortable situation. "Of course I would love to Ma'am. "I apologise for not being able to stay for lunch," she said, curtsying before walking away with my mother. God bless her. "Are you mine now?" my kitten asked, closing the piano. "I am yours forever my darling," I said. "Very well then, I shall have you forever," he said, nodding to himself. "Care to chase me or was that just to persuade me to kiss you?" he asked, eyes gleaming. "I will do anything to put a smile on your lips, kitten. Now run," I said as he squealed and picked up his pace. I ran after him, he was clearly headed to my office chambers. I soon caught up to him, fastening my hold around his waist and spinning him around. He had the most gorgeous smile on his face and his laughter was a beautiful sound to hear. "You had an unfair advantage. You are too tall. I cannot even kiss you without you bending down," he said, mocking offense. "There is a side I like to this apparent disadvantage, kitten. You can hear my heart beat when I hold you close to me," I said. "Oh hush Harold. You like it because you can pick me up like a ragdoll," he said, opening the doors to the chamber. 

"It's beautiful, Harry. The view is incomparable and the furniture is just exquisite," he said, gaping in awe. "Thank you darling. I am glad you like it," I said, sitting down on my chair. He went to look out the window which was behind me, giving me ample time to pull him on my lap. "Do you even know how much I love you kitten? I wake up each day, knowing I will not be seeing you and it is driving me to insanity," I mumbled into his chest. "Oh my darling, my darling, my love," he said, kissing my face between each declaration of love. I started to unbutton the first four buttons of his shirt that was buttoned up to his neck, pleased to see the pendant still around his neck and the marks I had left still prominent against his flawless skin. I was tracing his dainty collar bones when he let out a faint giggle. "What happened?" I asked, resting my face in his chest. "I uh am ticklish," he said softly, "Oh no I shouldn't have informed you about it." "You really shouldn't have darling," I said as I ran my hands along his sides and he squealed in glee. "You are so lucky I love you, Harold. First you call me little and then this?" he said, eyes pointed accusingly at me. "I am glad you do, Lou."

Lunch was everything but uneventful. My mum had made it her goal to get to know Louis as well as possible in half an hour. "Louis did you like the necklace?" she asked, taking a sip of her wine and Louis almost choked. "Ma'am it is beautiful. You have brilliant taste." "It was Harry's choice but you are right. I do have better choice than him," she said with the brightest smile and I almost scoffed. "Don't scoff Harry. Ma'am actually has better taste than you. The furniture all over the manor is beautiful," Louis interjected much to mum's delight. "Louis don't call me Ma'am. How about mum?" she said and it was my turn to choke. I knew she liked Louis and had no problem with us being in love but this was surprising. "Of course mum," Louis said with a sweet smile. 

"I think your mum likes me," he said, tracing hearts all over my bare chest. "She likes you more than she likes any of my suitors," I chuckled. "I want a cat," he suddenly piped up after almost ten minutes of silence. "Dusty will be having her first kindle in a few months, you can take one from there," I said and his face lit up with pure delight. "I love love love love love you," he squealed, pressing himself tight against me. I might have been laid in bed with a fairy-like boy wrapped around me instead of doing work but it could be put off for one day. "Stay with me tonight darling. Please don't go," I pleaded. "I have one condition," he said with a child-like laugh. "And what would that condition be?" "You lend me your sleepwear," he chuckled. "I will not be doing that," I said firmly. "Why," he asked, completely bewildered. "You are soft and I like skin contact," I said. "You are strange," he said as he shook his head. "And I am yours," I said, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

Both of us had skipped dinner deciding it was simple too much work to get properly dressed for the dining table again. I did not want him to skip a meal like that and asked for two loaves of freshly baked bread and thyme butter to be brought up to my room. I was about to open the slices but he stopped me. "Can we eat in the balcony?" he asked meekly and however could I refuse a pair of shimmering blues looking up at me? "Of course we can my dear," I said, leading him to balcony. He was looking up at the starry sky with the widest eyes while I fed him little pieces of bread. "My mama makes them better," he said softly. "Well then you must take me to meet her," I said, pulling him to lie across my chest. "You know, love, I am amazed every time I look at the stars. They remind me of you. So far away from me yet so beautiful, I can only admire but never have and call my own," he said, gaze still fixed on the sky. What he said chipped away at my heart. He was so afraid of not having me. "Darling I am yours, all yours. My heart belongs to you. Nobody else could ever have a claim over it," I said, pressing him closer to me. "For how long will you love me?" he asked with shaky breaths. "For as long as you want me to darling, for as long as you want me to," I whispered.

'We loved with a love that was more than love'

\- Edgar Allen Poe


	21. 24th Of December, Laying In My Bed

LOUIS' POV

Weeks passed as if they were minutes. Minutes passed in the presence of the one I loved more than life itself. Finding excuses to see each other became easier, our love became known to a few more people. Harry's mother was adamant that I had tea with them at least four days and who was I to disagree? I got to spend time with my Harry, engulfed in his arms and sweet nothings whispered into my ears. The month of December couldn't have possibly been better and before I knew it, my birthday had arrived. I had made sure that Harry didn't find out about the date. I had a simple plan for the day, a nice cup of warm tea and muffins in my room by the window, the sweetest conversations under the stars and we fall asleep in each other's arms and maybe something more pleasurable. It was going to be sweet, nothing extravagant and definitely no gifts. I did not want a single penny more than what I had already been forced to take from him. All I wanted that day would have been a thousand kisses and declarations of love. 

Entering my room after finishing up the last class of the day, I found Harry fiddling with my bedsheets. "You do have a lot of classes Lou," Harry remarked, motioning me to go closer to him. "Mmmhmm I do but now they're over and I'm yours," I smirked, taking the liberty to straddle his lap. "My kitten has gotten quite bold," Harry chuckled. "I blame it all on you," I grinned, kissing his neck, nipping gently to bruise as he does on me. He held my shoulder blades and pulled me off his neck, rightfully earning a pout from me. "It's your birthday my little kitten. I couldn't have not known that. Tea will be here in five minutes and I have presents for you," Harry explained. "Harry I cannot keep accepting presents from you. I will be known as someone who is whoring himself out to you. I cannot keep doing this. I have nothing to offer in return for the things you buy me," I whined softly. He immediately pulled me flush to his chest and carded his fingers through my hair. "No darling you are not whoring yourself out. I love you so much and I love spoiling you with gifts. I don't want anything in return but your constant affection. It is my way of showing I care," he explained, cupping my face. "But I can't help but feel like a selfish person who says he loves you and spends nights with you just so you give me expensive gifts. Please try to understand where I stand in the eyes of society beside you," I pleaded. "You stand as my lover in my eyes. I will not hear another word from you about yourself as a whore and selfish. You are my sunshine and my moon. You are my world, Louis," he insisted. "You do not understand-," I had started to retort but was silenced by his lips on mine. "Shush, my darling," he whispered, our foreheads pressed together. 

"I have present for you and you will accept it," he said sternly, lifting me off his lap. I held on tightly. "What happened?" he inquired, eyebrow raised. "Carry me please," I muttered. "Wrap your legs around my waist then darling," he chimed with a grin, I followed accordingly. He carried me over to my table and set me on the table. "I will pick you up soon enough, stop grumbling," he chuckled. "Hush I like being on your lap," I retorted. He pushed my fringe away from my eyes and kissed my forehead. "I had bracelets made with complimentary charms for the two of us," he chirped, taking out two black velvet boxes from his pocket. "How much did they cost, Harry?" I inquired. "That is not your headache," he responded. "You are the compass to my ship, arrow to my heart, the anchor to my ship, the dagger to my rose and the other half of my heart. You are my whole world, Louis. Never doubt the claim you have on my heart," he beamed, clasping the bracelet around my wrist. He then proceeded to take his one out to wear but I beat him to it. "Let me do it," I murmured, taking his hand in mine. "I can do it, Lou," he tried. "I know you can my love. I want to do it for you," I chirped, clasping the bracelet around his wrist. "Now we are almost married huh?" I chuckled but immediately stopped, realising what I had just said. "Darling I have wanted to marry you even before our first kiss. I thought we were betrothed?" he questioned with a cheeky smile. "We are Harry, we are. I just sometimes think that...Christ, I don't even know what," I fumbled with my words, blood rising to my cheeks. "I feel like that too, kitten. Our love may be uncommon but it's so real. I have never felt like this before and I don't want this to fade," he whispered, tapping my upper thigh, a signal to wrap my legs around his waist to be picked up and I squealed in glee. He shook his head with a smile. "You really like being carried don't you?" he chuckled. "Of course I do but I'd rather be doing something else right now," I smirked on his neck. "Something like?" he pressed. "Something like this," I mumbled, nibbling on his neck. "I have completely corrupted you, my dear," he grinned, laying me down on the bed. I simply chuckled in response, pulling his face close to mine.

The clock struck 2 am, snow had begun to fall, covering the outside world in a soft white blanket. It was melancholically quiet. I knew everything about Harry's marriage to Katerina. The engagement would be held in the third week of spring and a month later, the wedding. He never mentioned anything about it but I was to be playing at both of the ceremonies, something he had no idea about. If he knew, he would never allow it. I wasn't one to back away. I would do what was needed. It wouldn't be easy, to play sweet melodies while Harry, my Harry, would seal his wedded life with a kiss. Tears were already streaming down my cheeks, soft whimpers escaping my lips. I did not want to lose the one thing I did right in my life. I had let the waterworks flow freely along with choked sobs. Harry was sound asleep beside me, arm draped across my waist. I was careful not be too loud lest I woke him up. I was tracing nonsense on his back, with another hand carding through his hair. I was to lose the love of my life in a few months. I knew what I had to do. I would move away, back to Yorkshire after his wedding. I would deal with seeing him kiss another woman but what about the news of her being with child? What about not being able to touch him no more, not being able to jump on his lap whenever I saw him at his manor, going back to calling him Lord Harry? How long till I broke? I had made a mistake and it was high time I fixed it. I would tell him I had fallen out of love with him. It would hurt him but not more than it would hurt me. I would be breaking the heart of the one who patched mine with pieces from his. It was better than hurting forever. He would forget me after the wedding, Katerina is a gorgeous lady with the sweetest heart. She would be able to give him everything, she would make him happy. Our love was a lost cause to fight for anyway. Men don't fall in love with each other.

'The way to love anything is to realise that it may be lost'

-G.K.Chesterton


	22. Turn Around Time

HARRY'S POV

Waking up next to Louis was definitely an exquisite experience I wished I could experience every morning. It was Christmas morning. My kitten was a Christmas Eve baby and it was no shock to me. He was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. He was still sleeping, face nuzzled in the crook of my neck and legs draped across mine. "Darling, wake up it is Christmas morning," I whispered into his ear only to be pulled in by the softest little fists. "Kiss me then," Louis mumbled against my lips. "Your wish is my command, princess," I spoke as I locked his lips to mine. "I am playing at the mass this morning. Will you come to see?" Louis inquired. "I will watch anything you do, kitten. Besides, my father will have my head if I didn't attend Christmas mass," I chuckled into his shoulder. "He would have my head too if he knew about us," he replied coldly. I was slightly taken aback but I didn't comment on that. 

The mass was like it was each year except this time around, I had to sit beside Katerina. Her family had been invited to dine with us that evening. Brilliant. I had been planning to visit Louis after dinner but I would have to entertain her after dinner since I didn't smoke. Usually when Louis would steal glances at me whenever I was watching him play but that day he hadn't bothered to even look up from the piano. He had no reason to do that. The piece was played every year and almost every Christian who knew how to play the piano knew the piece like the back of their own head. I was beginning to worry. Louis was never to shy away from affection, at least when it came from me. Oh for Christ's sake he wouldn't get off my lap the entire time that we would be alone together. I didn't let it bother me too much. Maybe he was acting like that so my father wouldn't 'have his head' as he had phrased it. 

Dinner was a mix of glares, coughs and my heart being chipped away at. I was to be married in spring, to Katerina. Everything from the bouquet arrangement to the kind of wedding cake had been decided, none that was to my knowledge. Every time I tried to interject or hint at the fact that I was in no way involved in any of the planning, I was met with a hard glare from father and a sympathetic pat on my thigh from mum. What had made me choke on the goose was the fact that my father had spoken to the headmistress about Louis playing both at the engagement and the wedding. The last of the dinner arrived soon enough and the men retreated into the parlour to have their cigars, leaving me with the ladies. Katerina was perfectly bearable since she didn't speak much but her mother was of the most bothersome kind. How was I supposed to know what had driven me to choose marzipan as the cake base when I only found out about it from her lips. "It's uh a sturdy sweet that um doesn't melt easily. It can get quite warm in spring ma'am," I stuttered. I was too busy cradling the lump in my throat that was threatening to spill the tears from my eyes at any moment to even form proper sentences. "That was a wonderful thought, Sir. Katerina had told me something about you owning pet mice. How are they?" she chirped. "Oh I um had to give them away since Dusty didn't care much for them," I fumbled with my words again. Mum was quick to notice my shift in demeanour. "Harry. my dear, if you are feeling unwell, you may retire to your bed chambers," she spoke, eyes full of worry. "I think I will retire to bed, mum. Thank you for your time ladies. Have a good night," I stated before leaving the parlour.

I took as little time as possible to reach my chambers, sniffling the cries that were beyond my control at that moment. I immediately locked the door as soon as I entered the room. I slid to the floor, brought my knees to my chest before letting the tears flow. I couldn't speak, words seemed to get lost between the sobs. My chest ached like it wanted to be ripped apart. My breaths came in shaky intervals. I was to lose my love and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do about it. I felt lost like a ship at sea without a compass. I couldn't wrap my understanding around the fact that I was to be married for I was too worried about what my kitten had been going through for the past week, if not longer. I had hurt him. I shouldn't have kissed him, I shouldn't have told him I loved him more than life itself, I shouldn't have seen the colours that I had decided bound us together. I should have known better. Better than to fall in a love that would never be, a love that would become a lost cause to fight for. If only you could turn back time.

I was gazing into the looking glass, staring at the curly locks that went past my shoulders. Louis adored them. He loved running his fingers through the curls, gently tugging at them. It was a euphoric feeling, a mix of love, care, devotion and lust. I wanted to rip it all out. The tears hadn't stopped even after climbing into bed. "Why....did it have to my love that had to be forbidden," I sobbed into the pillow, heart still aching. "Why must it be that I cannot love a man? A man that made me heaps happier than any woman ever could," I bawled, trying to catch my breath. I had cried myself to sleep that night. Love was seen as love no more once it was beyond what the elite society and the church allowed. 

'Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind'

\- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream


	23. Ours But Not Anymore

LOUIS' POV

If my luck couldn't get any worse, I was deathly wrong. I was to be meeting with Harry's mother in an hour to discuss the pieces played at the wedding. Curse me if I have to do anything other than talk about music. I hated Harry. I hated that I had fallen in love with him, I hated that he had shown me colours I couldn't see without him, I hated that he had taught me how to smile and I hated the damn bracelet he had given me. I hated that I couldn't take it off, it was my piece of him and my subconscious refused to let go of what was mine. I hated that I couldn't have him. I hated every bit of him. "I hate everything about you bloody bastard. You didn't deserve me, you never did. You damn cursed nuisance rot in hell for doing this to me. You are horrible and I never loved you. Damn you to the blazes," I cried into my pillow. I hadn't gotten up that morning, feeling horrible and heartbroken. I would deal with the headmistress with a talk of resignation later. "I loved you so much, I loved you more than life. I loved you so damn much. I poured out my heart to you. Curse this love and everything good. You don't deserve it, you are nothing but a horrible excuse for a man Harry Styles. You are terrible," I sobbed, pushing away my pillows. I wanted him to hold me, to sit me on his lap and tell me he loved me. I wanted him to wipe away my tears and kiss my wet lashes, I wanted him to make everything alright again. I wanted him. It didn't matter how much I cursed him, how much I said I hated him or how much I denied that I loved him. Nothing would change how much he meant to me. Nothing would change that he was my first love.

It was a rather gloomy day, perfectly matching my emotional state. Walking into the parlour, I noticed Mu- Harry's mother embroidering a fancywork. "Good afternoon ma'am. I can come back later if you want me to," I hastily spoke before turning around. I knew she wasn't busy but it hurt to speak about the wedding of my beloved. "No my darling, I am never too busy for you. Why don't you sit yourself down on one of the divans while I call out for tea?" she cooed, waving her hand to one of the servants who perfectly understood what she wanted. "So um music for the wedding," I started, awkwardness filling the air. "Huh?" she asked while further amplifying my discomfort. "The music for the wedding? Lord Harry's wedding to Lady Katerina? What music shall be played during the different parts? If you don't mind me saying, I think Handel would be the best choice, classic yet full of emotion and love," I quickly spoke while fiddling with my fingers. "Louis, you don't have to pretend with me. I know what is happening my darling. I tried my best to stop this but his father always has his own way with most things. Harry loves you, Louis. I have seen the way he looks at you like you hung the moon and all the stars. He doesn't talk much but one time while embroidering with me, he had said something that always stuck with me. He had said that 'Home isn't always a place mum, and I think I have found mine. He is as warm as the lovely afternoons. I will never let him go.' Louis I know you both will make it, have patience my child," she explained softly, tears welling in both of our eyes. "Ma'am I do not wish to speak about this and I hope you will respect my boundaries. Please tell me if you have any special modifications to be made to the regular wedding music and it will be done. Otherwise, it will be what it has been for the past fifty years," I choked out, fists clenching and trying not let my waterworks flow. "Right um of course. Do not make any modifications. This marriage doesn't have any love any way," she whispered, "I understand, my lovely, I do. It hurts when you are not allowed to be with the person you love the most. I would know after all I have been through," she finished, mumbling the last part, rubbing my back. I leaned into her touch, letting the tears flow. "Ssshh it will all be alright one day and you will have everything you could ever wish for. You are too pure of a person to not have a happy ending," she comforted, the tea on the table long forgotten.

I was crying into her shoulder when Harry walked in, eyes puffed up and red from crying. He sat down next to me and pulled me on his lap. "I am sorry, my sparrowling, I am so sorry," he mumbled against my neck. I pulled away and did what surprised me more than it could have surprised anyone else. I struck my palm across his face, the sound of the contact echoing through the room. "I deserve a lot worse, kitten. Please do it again. I should have never kissed you," he whimpered, tears streaming down his face. "No no darling no. You deserve all the love and happiness. I am so sorry I slapped you. Heaven knows what came over me," I whispered, peppering his face with kisses and nuzzling the skin that had started the redden from the blow. Nothing was said further. Words were not exchanged anymore, only kisses to the face and hands. It was like words couldn't express how much we loved each other and if you think about it the kisses weren't displaying the love I had for him either.

'There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved'

\- George Sand


	24. You Were Mine Only To Lose

HARRY'S POV

Louis had been avoiding me, even refusing to acknowledge my existence. I wanted to visit him but I was scared, scared that my last memory with him before he left would be filled with hatred and poison-laced greetings. I wanted my memories of him to be filled with happiness and carefree love if he was to never even look into my eyes. "Sir, would you bend down a little? I need to tie your cravat," my dresser spoke, pulling me out of my thoughts. Right, it was my wedding day. It was supposed to be my happiest day but here I was trying not to give in to the tears that were threatening to spill. Bending down, I bared the front of my neck for the fabric to be tied around it. Louis would tie it for me when we'd spend nights together, scoffing 'how on earth are you a grown man and you still don't know how you tie a cravat?' "Sir you may stand straight," the man stated, stepping away from me as soon as his work was done. "Thank you. You may take your leave," I spoke but it sounded more of an order than I had intended it to be. "Oh um thank you, sir. I wish you a very happy married life," he quickly rambled before walking away. I internally scoffed. Then it was nothing but laughter, manic laughter with tears streaming down my cheeks. The whole situation was absurd. I was to be married to a kind, beautiful woman and here I was, leaning against the vanity table, laughing my heart out like a mad man. 

Standing at the altar, the only thought on my mind was that Louis was but a few strides away from me, playing the piano. He was changing notes, mixing the melodies, turning a song full of happiness into something melancholically beautiful. Katerina appeared at the church door, arm in arm with her father. The dress was beautiful no doubt, she looked lovely too. Before I knew it, she was standing in front of me and we were exchanging rings. Her vows were beautifully written and felt very intimate while mine were bland, written in a haste by my mother. I felt like I was betraying two people of my affection for my own selfish needs. But the questions still stood. Was it so wrong that I wanted to be loved by Lou?

The event came to an end rather quickly, leaving me ample time to visit Louis after greeting all the guests. I knew people would talk but I did not care at the moment. I knew Louis would be leaving Chesire in a few hours. Amelia had refused to tell me where but she did tell me when so I could have one last goodbye from the love of my life. I quickly mounted my horse and raced to the music school, not wanting to waste any more time than what was wasted by the wedding. Indeed, to me, that wedding was nothing but a waste of time. It took me no time to reach my hummingbird's room, seeing I had been walking like the devil was after me. 

"Kitten?" I croaked, tears finally spilling. "Yes, my Lord?" he politely replied. "Don't call me that. I am not your Lord for God's sake. I am your lover and your friend, my love. Please don't leave me," I cried, falling to the floor, embracing his waist and crying into his tummy. "Get up Harry. I have things to pack and a kitten to secure in a basket. I leave in about three hours," he said, without a single emotion lacing his voice. "I don't understand, Lou. Why do you have to leave me, baby? Why? Was I not a proper lover? What did I do wrong? She means nothing to me I promise, I swear to never touch her or even go close to her. Louis, my darling boy, my sun, please don't leave me. I love you so much Louis it hurts. Why does it hurt? Make it stop Louis please make it stop," I sobbed, tears still falling like there was no tomorrow. "Harry please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be. She should mean the world to you, you bastard. She is your wife and you will treat her accordingly, with love and respect. You don't own me. I can do whatever I please and right now I need to get my papers and that bloody kitten. So if you will excuse me, I need to move," he spoke with a hint of affection. Maybe he still did have a little love left for me. I let go of his waist, still sitting on the floor while he walked out only to return a few moments later with bundles of paper tied together and a small calico kitten in his front pocket. "His name is Hazzy," Louis mumbled softly, going over to his the table beside his bed, the very table whose drawers held all the letters and gifts I had given him. He was quick enough to pack them all in a box and stuff beneath everything else in his trunk. "Is it too late to turn around Lou?" I whimpered, letting myself go. "Yes it is, my love, it is. Look at it from my point of view. I will be nothing but a mistress to you, no one of respect if I stay. It is best for both of us for me to leave. It will give both of us a fresh start in life. You will always be my first love, the man who will always have my heart, no doubt there, but look at me, my darling. I will be belittled, gossiped about and seen as nothing but Lord Harry Styles' whore. I won't be able to show my face to the world. You will have to lock me up in your room or something. That will affect your reputation too. Do what is to be done and return home. Love your wife and respect her for all she is. Give her everything that a wife deserves," he explained, all while cupping my face between his hands while sitting next to me. "I don't love her Lou. I could never. You own my heart and it will be forever yours to keep. I understand all you've said but can you tell me you love me one last time? Please?" I croaked, rubbing his hands. "You will love her. If not today, then tomorrow. You can fall in love again. It may not be as strong as your first one but it will still be love. Let your heart love, Harry. It's too pure to not be able to love again. I love you, Harry. I love you so much that I cannot bear to see you with another woman. Harry, I am selfish and jealous and possessive but if I am to love you, I want all of you. I love you Harry and that is why I am leaving. I am leaving to give you a new chance at life," he croaked, crying too. "Louis, can I stay till you leave?" I asked, voice full of caution, afraid he'd tell me to leave. "You may stay, my love. I don't want to let go yet. I want to be held by you as long as possible," he cried into my chest, small hands fisting at my shirt.

The headmistress's daughter had graciously arranged a carriage for Louis and I was utterly grateful to her for that. Louis had refused to take any more favours from me. He had said his goodbyes and was standing outside with a basket that held a sleeping kitten while the driver put everything in the back. "Harry, will you promise me something?" Louis asked softly. "Anything for you, my beautiful love," I replied almost instantly. "Please promise me I will always be the one your heart wants the most and promise me you will always wear this," he whispered, handing me a bracelet that had 'Promise me forever' carved inside it. It was rather plain and ordinary, perfect to hide from everyone and for me to wear every day without raising any questions. "I promise Lou. You are rather smart you know? This bracelet is perfect, plain and ordinary. Nothing someone would raise questions against," I cooed and Louis preened at the praise. "I love you, Harry," he whispered against what was to be our last kiss. "I love you too, Lou," I whispered back, our lips touching as I did. 

'In love, one always starts by deceiving oneself...and ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance'

\- Oscar Wilde

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos and comment if you liked it


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